KaRiR TaYmLayN

"Where am I heading?"
If thoughts would get 1 point every single time that they cross my mind, this question would've probably earned a million points by February 2009.
I could perfectly remember how I bathe in desolation a coupla months ago.
In the last quarter of 2008 to be exact, about 2 1/2 years after my graduation day, I became the best definition of M_E_S_S.
In case you don't know, I am a nurse by profession but during those times, I was nothing but a desperate case of a loser.
Like the thousands of nurses across the country, I was jobless. But unlike them, I wasn't a fresh graduate or a fresh board passer. My batchmates were already employed in different hospitals then.They were everywhere. Some were already on the other side of the world earning loads of dollars. And I?Where was I?I was at home collating another batch of documents to be submitted to various health institutions in the Metro.
But the competition was tough, very tough. All the hospitals stopped hiring. No matter how hard I try, it was still useless coz they weren't accepting applications.
I was hopeless.
I had no direction.
Until now, I couldn't describe how I actually felt then.
It seemed like good fate had turned itself away from me.
I looked at myself and I saw not the jolly geli that I have known since 1986.
What I saw was a pale and limp girl, with eyes that depict the worst case of loneliness.
I looked down on myself.
I tried to enjoy myself to avoid schizophrenia but everytime I hit the bed, bad things came to mind again.
I thought that maybe it was God's way of letting me pay for the cruel things that I've done.
I kept on asking God to forgive me. I thought he wasn't listening.
Then Ate Gigi helped us. She made a way for me and Kathy to become volunteers in a hospital in Bulacan. For quite a while, I enjoyed volunteering. It kept my mind away from worries. Atleast that way, a hint of light had already shone. "If i would just persevere and work hard, I may become a regular employee someday and have the hospital experience that i have long wanted.", I thought to myself.
But for proximity and health reasons, my parents asked me to stop. I became desperate again.
I continued applying. Fortunately, I had been given a spot in NKTI's Basic Skills Training. However, my IV license wasn't available yet so they had me transferred to their May schedule from January sched. February came, I was asked to get back home to Davao to accompany my grandfather in the hospital. On my last few days in the hospital, PCMC called and told me that I was for interview. I hurriedly went back to Manila and Good heavens helped me a lot. I passed the HR interview, the Nursing interview (which really made my nose bleed), and the super hard qualifying exam (until now I couldn't imagine how I got through it, it was really hard.1. maybe i didn't pass but they had no choice coz i was the only one who took it. 2.maybe the other applicants backed out the moment they saw the exam that was full of computations and essays and uber hard problems with only hour to answer them.or 3. maybe the other applicants took the exam and we all failed but i was one point higher than them so they had to choose me.)
2 days before my final panel interview, another hospital called and said that I was for training. I asked my Mom, my friends and other people for advice and they told me the same thing. hence,
I didn't go to the interview. I chose the training.
Now, I'm very glad that I made the right choice. I'm really happy with what's going on in my life right now. I've known a lot of new and super cool friends. I learned a lot of new things and I discovered a lot of good things about me. Everything's going well and I'm lovin it.

When we look at it in a negative way, life can be so cruel. But in reality, it doesn't really want us to cower down when it throws us obstacles. These obstacles have purpose and that is to prepare us for better opportunities. We only have to wait. In God's own time, everything's gonna be A-okay!