Tuesday, April 7, 2009

emotionally disturbed

(ORIGINALLY POSTED ON SEPTEMBER 27, 2008)


did you ever feel so desperate to help but then end up doin nothin heroic just because of limitations that hinder you from doing so?! if not then good for you because i felt that sting of guilt knowing how my friends needed my help but i couldn’t because of certain constraints.

last night, 2 of my closest friends expressed their need for a helping hand and kind of thought that it might be my hand that would do the magic. both of these friends know each other but aren’t as close as i am to each one of them. i wanna start with the younger one coz the other has a bigger problem and a more complicated at that. throughout this text, ill refer to the younger one as “cute” and the older one as “pretty” to hide their identity and to avoid repeating the words “younger” and “older” which is kinda annoying.

“gel, help.” that was cute’s first text message. i wasnt able to reply right away coz lately i got used to leaving my phone on the dresser and only check it everytime i hit the bathroom. so during one of my bathroom trips last night, i got to read her text and felt sorry for the delay. i asked her what’s up and guess what her problem was all about- love life. yeah, for the heck of it, she asked me for an advice that concerns the thing that’s not currently my favorite.lawl. did it ever cross her mind that like her i was a loser too?a worse loser in fact. but no. she thought i could give her the best words of wisdom coz that was my job when were still together. she could just say every awful feeling that she had and i’d be like some superhero who’d flood her troubled mind with pieces of advice. yeah, that was before. when i still knew what i was doing. or i thought i knew what i was doing. but now?at present?this month?lawl.i didn’t even know what to say. i even forgot how to give comfort when in fact i was so good at it before. yea. i so wanted to tell her that she chose the wrong number. coz if there’s someone who really suck in things like that, that’d be me. but did i diss her off?no.and why?because, she’s my friend. i may not be able to solve her problem but at least, she has somebody she could vent her feelings to. so she told me the old-timer-he-left-me drama. i ddnt want the details, for the reason that only i know. she told me she thought he was the one (which is funny if you’ll ask me coz you can never tell that he’s it if he hasn’t brought you to the altar yet. even some of those who had ended up separated.) yeah. hell. i’d like to tell her this “you know what?you met a real jerk and worse, there are thousands of them scattered in the metro. so if you’re not gonna learn and you’re gonna break down because of this one dumbass, you’d better be ready for 999 more breakdowns in the future.” but i ddnt tell her that. lawl. i just let her voice her feelings out coz it’s not like i could bring the guy back to her so they’d be all lovey-dovey again. well, i wish i could but let’s be realistic here. anyways, yeah. i just told her that if she wants to cry then she should do so then tsand up again.

maybe we should accustom ourselves to 3 things:

1. experiencing heart breaks. it’s bound to happen expecially if you’re not taking care of the relationship and/or if your partner has found someone better.

2. accepting that we can’t have everything that we want. coz sometimes, what we want don’t want us back.lawl.yeah, that kind of shit happens almost always.

3. livin a pre-relationship life again which means to wait again and date again and get involved again and ride the roller coaster again and fall again and cry again and wait and so on until you get to the one who really accepts you for who you are and is willing to compromise..but if you don’t wanna end up in different cycles, then just wait and wait and wait. don’t hook yourself up until you feel that everything is really falling into the right place..

and lastly, i told her to pray. God is so good, i know He’s gonna give her someone better. in His time..and she should pray for that ex of hers also and hope that his decision would make him really happy. so while her superman is still out there and has not crossed paths with her yet, she should make the most out of her time enjoying her life and doing things that make her happy..

lawl.

superego: yeah right geli. you couldn’t even handle yours well.haha.

id: hush. that’s what you think!hehe.

poink.

anyways, let’s move on to pretty.

uhm. i don’t know how to say this because her problem is as complicated as this country’s economy. super complicated. i tried my best to help her in ways that i know are right (according to principles which are influenced by my family upbringing, my studies, my genetics, my race, etc).poink.here it goes. my friend has a problem and she wants a solution that is so not in line with my morals and her morals as well. i tried my best to let her know that i will support her all the way for so long as she’s not gonna do the thing that she’s planning to do. I’m very willing to help her get through it in the right way but she doesn’t want to. now i’m torn between obeying what mind and heart say and giving in to my friend’s problematic condition..which is which?! i understand how she feels but i don’t know.i feel so bad everytime i oppose her.grhhh. i have always prayed for her but God hasn’t answered us yet.

you, yes you. please help me pray for pretty.

i really want the best solution for her problem.

please.

thank you.

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