Thursday, April 30, 2009

sleep trouble

I should've written this last night but because I was overwhelmed with disgust over my friend's bulletin, I lost track of what I was supposed to write. So here it goes while it's still fresh.
We have this so-called post conference. For student nurses, it's the time to discuss certain diseases, to present and defend nursing care plans, to share readings, and to answer quizzes. For us trainees, it's a 2-hour gathering of batchmates to discuss good and bad happenings during our duty. It's also our trainer's perfect opportune to check if everyone wore the prescribed uniform: from haircut to gleaming white shoes.
To give way for this meeting, we have to leave our posts (nursing units, medical unit in my case) a bit earlier than the usual. So yesterday, we left at 12noon instead of the usual 3pm so we could eat lunch without getting at the post conference venue late. During our post conference, we disccussed a lot of things that concern professionalism and such. I'm afraid I cannot divulge the cheezy information here coz we all promised to abide by the military rule of confidentiality, that is, "What you see, what you hear, when you leave, leave it here." I don't know where they got that though coz in high school we had it as "what you see, what you hear, leave it here, don't squeal." Different words, same meaning.
Anyhow, yeah. For those who have read my killing the deadline post, you probably have an idea how drowsy I had been yesterday. In the unit, I was battling with my eyelids the whole time. You know those flicks where people(usually security guards) put toothpicks on their eyelids to keep them from falling? I was close to doing that. Too bad, we didn't have toothpicks in the unit.
Don't assume that gulping caffeine hadn't crossed my mind either coz in fact, it did. I drank coffee before I went to the unit but to no effect. I still probably yawned like 20 times in the first 20 minutes. I really wanted to doze off but of course, I cannot sleep while on duty so I made myself busy with stuffs even though we havent got anything to be busy about. Like hello? We only had 4 patients and there were three of us trainees, 1 staff nurse and 1 student nurse. Then halfway through our duty, the fourth patient was discharged. Now, you do the math.
Although that was the case, I still tried my best to keep myself kicking for 5 hours. After all, I could just nap during post conference coz I know we would be having it in a small room and I could just hide behind my tall classmates and steal a 15 minute nap.
unfortunately though, my much anticipated chance to nap was all a dream coz the exchange of thoughts and learnings inside the room was too good to resist. I'd be utterly stupid if I'd prefer sleeping to hearing what my batchmates had been telling. In short, my sleep craving went on until our post con ended.
I wasn't able to go home immediately because I had to wait for ghel and anna. Anna withdrew her allowance through an atm. Then she, ghel, vino and I got on a proj 2-3 jeep. Vino and I got off at EDSA and found Cath there. The three of us waited for a bus that had enough seats to accommodate us. We found one but we didn't have the benefit of sitting next to each other. I was seated next to a gentleman with a benetton bag, Cath was at my back and Vino's was across hers.
Now, you know what happens when all the energy has been drawn out off you and you find yourself sitting comfortably in a cushioned bus seat, right?YES. You sleep and so did I. The next thing I knew, I was already looking at the facade of commonwealth market. DANGGGGGG... I was supposed to get down in Batasan Hills. Stupid me. I looked at my 2 batchmates. Vino was asleep too. And cath looked at me surprised while saying, "Ba't nandito kpa?". Lawl. I just smiled and waited for the bus to reach Litex where I could hop off and have a ride that wouldn't cost me much effort and much money. hayz.


*It's fun to read blogs but make sure that you only do it when everything else important has already been done.
*In a bus ride, make sure that your seatmate knows where you're getting down. In case you fall asleep, she/he can make siko your elbow to wake you up.
*1 cup of coffee is not enough.hehe

we aren't perfect

Since my tink pasitib blog, I've always tried my best to look at the brighter side of just about every unfortunate event that crosses my way. Even though I feel like yelling at somebody already, I would just take a deep breath instead and think about something that'd make the phenomenon look positive.
However, it appears that thinking positive comes easier as an advice than as an action. When everything seems so wrong already, losing your cool is indeed inevitable.

I couldn't help but write about the downpour of negativities around me right now. I just need to let this out. UGH. Forgive me if it'll worsen your already gloomy day but if it won't, then thanks for sparing a lil of your time to read this..I

All of you probably have friendster accounts so I presume that you know something about bulletin board. Yes, you got that right. It's the place at the lower right corner of your fs home page where people's surveys, feelings and announcements are posted. Anyway, I was clicking and reading my board a while ago. Hence I learned about my review mate's reunion, colleague's new mobile number, bored people's survey answers, and more rantings. Then at some point, I reached one schoolmate's post. She actually posts like 5 times everyday about how she loves her deartoy so much or how's the weather like in Great Britain and many other stuffs that concern her beauty, her boyfriend, her friends, great britain and many other stuffs. But this one post of hers really caught my super critically active eyes. It's not bad to post blogs and bulletins. Not at all. However, when your entry entails degradation of another person's character, I think it's not healthy anymore.

Read this one:
ang gusto ko lng eh malaman mo, na nakupo, sole ng deartoy ko ang face niya. thats all. hehehe tas un pa move on move on ka pa? duh...a nymang asar ka na ng mang asar, di ako matatablan ng sinasabi mo, yun nga lng di rin ako magpapaapak ng mga gaya nyo dai... heheh last na lng.. bye bye bye hirit ka pa, may bwelta pa ako, if hihirit ka pa, pango! hehehe and not SOOOO fiTed set of TEETH =P hhehehehe.. peace yo.. heheh mga tao nga naman oh!.
OMG, cindy butete =) hehehe, forward this to her cnu friends nya jan =) we got a nice set of teeth!

I have no idea who's the gurl she's referring to and how ill mannered that gurl maybe. But I believe, having a grudge on someone isn't reason enough to make a capital mistake of letting the world know about that person's flaws especially the physical aspect of his/her personality. So what if a gurl isn't blessed with pearly white and perfectly aligned teeth? So what if i have 154 pimples on my right cheek? So what if my tito lost 25% of his total hair volume? So what if my friend only stands 4'11"?So what if the saleslady has bulges on her waist? So what if the kid's teeth are silver coated? So what if the tourist guide's right eye is squinting while his left isn't? So what if I have calves as big as narra logs? So what if my ex walks in a funny way? As long as a person has a good heart, these blemishes don't matter anymore. I'd rather have a pimpled face angel as a friend than an angelina jolie looking witch.

I perfectly understand the need to take revenge when other parties do us harm but we should do it in a more grownup manner. Attacking through remorseful mention of physical deformities is already hitting below the belt.
I don't know bout you guys, but for me, it's a school age thing to say things like that. The author of that post fyi is blessed with looks, height and intelligence. I still feel sorry for her though. She just made an absolutely pathetic method of ruining her own image.

So what if you're tall and pretty when only your boyfriend and your bestfriends could stand your super bitchy persona?

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

killing the deadline

I have to sleep at 8:00 this evening to be able to reach the 8-hour sleep quota imposed by researchers on human beings. Why do we have to be healthy? We're all gonna die anyway..
I am in big trouble..uhm lemme correct that, seemingly big small trouble. hehe.
Here's my current situation:

Fine: 8:00 is, like, 1.5 hours away.
Not so fine: I have to type the contents of the emergency cart (6 drawers) and submit it tomorrow.
Worse: I haven't started typing yet.
Worst: There are about 300-500 items inside each e-cart and I have to type one for pedia and another one for adult.
Best: The reason why I haven't started yet is that I've been reading BLOGS of the people on my roll. Lawl.

In short and simple language, I'm a dead meat because of blog reading. wahh. I'll probably end up @ 11. hehe.
But I don't care. Reading your blogs is worth the 2 kilograms of eyebags and 1000 tons of laughter and learning. hehe.

Dear Jesus,
Please wake me up @3:45 am tomorrow coz I don't think I'd love receiving a memo this early. I just just submitted my zero-tardiness DTR this afternoon. I have to keep my good image.
Lotsa thanks.
and btw, please bless the people who authored the blogs that I just read.
also, please tell your father that I'd surely appreciate it if I'd be half as good as them in writing. I promise I'd be a good girl.

Always and forever,

Christmas Dessert

Monday, April 27, 2009

never ending number

(should I write the same title as yours lord?or I'm allowed to make my own?lemme know so i can edit.)

I don't know if should be happy or sad about Lord CM tagging me. Lawl. I'm happy because i was tagged and I'm sad because I was tagged. lawl. Kidding aside, I find it nice that some big guy in the blogosphere has visted my site and eventually tagged me. yeiey. I'm sad because I don't know what to write below. hehehe. But i'll try to fill this up. (with all my might, wish me luck!)

Umpisahan na natin para di na humaba...Kelangan lang daw ilista ang walong bagay base sa mga kategoryang kulay dilaw ang kulay...(according to them)hehe

8 Things i'm looking forward to:

1. saying this "i'm totally over him"
2. probi days. yey.
3. going home to davao this year. (hoping)
4. having a laptop of my own. (i've been looking forward to this since forever, ugh)
5. having a new boyfriend who'll love me truly, madly, deeply.
6. having my sister live with me.
7. christmas. nothing beats christmas fun.
8. my unit assignment.

8 Things i did yesterday:
  1. woke up @ effin 7:30
  2. had breakfast that was only meant to reach the esophagus. (ugh)
  3. attended mass to pray for myself and the people around me.
  4. went to pagsanjan laguna
  5. enjoyed myself with the scenic beauty of the resort
  6. ate a super yummy and uber heavy lunch
  7. slept the whole trip back coz the traffic was extra heavy
  8. texted some friends.
8 Things i wish could do:
  2. buy a house of my own right now.
  3. treat 5 friends with a 5-day stay in boracay or palawan or singapore.
  4. earn a degree in civil engineering.
  5. delete december 22 2008-june 29, 2008 from my timeline.
  6. adopt my friend's baby and treat her like princess
  7. marry someone who is worth marrying.lawl.
  8. take up masters degree.
8 Shows i watch:
  1. Burn notice
  2. CSI: Miami
  3. Cops
  4. Rachel Ray
  5. May bukas pa.
  6. Game knb (in my patient's room.hehe)
  7. One tree hill (nmiss ko toh ng sobrah)
  8. TV patrol
8 People i tag:
  1. an_indecent_mind
  2. netaholic
  3. mike avenue
  4. wala na akong mtag..hehe
  5. same sa number 4
  6. same sa number 5
  7. same sa number 6
  8. same sa number 7
There you go. hehe. I haven't tagged any other blogger except the three of them. They're my friends and I want them to rejoice and to suffer at the same time too, like what happened to me a while ago.hehe. Peace to the three of you and thanks to lordCM.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

ays krim holiday

Last thursday, a colleague and I salivated on the scenic view of our friends licking their deliciously looking icecream on cones at lunchtime. We also wanted to buy that raspberry and rocky road ice cream from FIC but unfortunately, we haven't brought money. So eager to feel the smoothness of those dairy products, we both decided to have an ice cream day on Friday (yesterday).
So yesterday, after we had our lunch, we realized the plan. We watched the ice cream man carefully scooping the ice cream that we wanted with glinting eyes. We can't wait to get hold of the sugar cones. We were so excited that when he handed it to us, it seemed like we went back to school age days again. We savored that creamy flavor of the dessert on our tongues and its cooling effect on our throats. It was heaven!yum yum yum.
Still hungry for more, I texted my 2 friends in college and asked them for a meet up. They're in POEA so I decided to go there after duty. I arrived there just on time. They had just finished everything that they had to accomplish. I told them I wanted to eat ice cream or anything that's cold and creamy and luckily, they wanted it too. So the three of us walked our way to Robinson's Galleria and looked for ice cream parlors. We couldn't decide on where to eat yet so my friend suggested that we eat dinner first then grab some ice cream later. We agreed and dined at KFC-my and their favorite fastfood ever! We talked like 20 years and then left Col. Sander's hub.

While we're probing for the location of our target ice cream parlor - Icebergs, we realized that it'd be better if we'd buy from the supermarket and eat at their foodcourt. That way, it'd be cheaper and we'd have more ice cream to satisfy our cravings. Since nobody disagreed, we went on ice cream hunting.
Like three enthusiastic 8 year old kids, we bought an 800 ml Chocolate truffles ice cream- one of the three Gold Label flavors from Selecta created by chefs whose names I cannot remember.

We situated ourselves on a vacant table and yes, it was icream time again. We got our every taste of happiness straight from the tub. I love every spoon of it-every spoon of creamy milk chocolate and hefty serving of bite size chocolates. It's so yummy. SUPER DUPER YUMMY!!!!! Ecstatically and fantabulously yummy that I wish we were born not to eat rice 3 times a day evryday but ice cream. WAHHHHHHH.. I can't wait for the next ice cream holiday again.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

tink pasitib

“I was riding shotgun with my hair undone on the backseat of his car. He’s got a one-hand hand feel on the steering whee, the other on my heart…(silence)”

Yeah, it’s a line from Taylor Swift’s “Our song” and it woke me up @ 4:00 this morning..

Like any other sleepyhead, I snoozed like 3 times before I actually got off my bed.

First things first, mirror. Tanntannannannn, it’s gigantic eyebags day again! Damn this insomnia! Whoever discovered it deserves a beating. ugh. He should have left it unnoticed, unknown, undiscovered coz the more we know about it, the harder it gets for us insomniacs to doze off.We tend to think about it more often especially during bedtime and I think it only adds insult to injury. (theory XYZ by geli)

Anyhow, I still managed to make an idiotic smile like what Ms. Roni did when a jeepney hit her car sometime in 200idk. Otherwise, I’d have a gloomy day ahead and I don’t think I’d like that. Think positive. Smile. I did. =)

I turned on the faucet. No swooshing sound heard. I got down and informed ate fe and on my wayback, I heard a sound. Yes, water was running (without rubber shoes-poor water). Smile. I did.

After bathing, I looked at my uniform. It’s nicely hung so it’s already pressed. yeiey. But when I got it out from the cabinet, creases were evrywhere. Tip: Hang your ironed uniforms in a place where its alone. Putting it in between other clothes defeats the purpose of ironing. Ugh. I brought it down and ironed it myself and hurrah! Smile. I did.

Dressing up done. It’s already 5 and I have not eaten yet. The dining table was empty. Ate Jane was still asleep. I rummaged through the fridge, found delicious looking lefties and jammed it on the microwave. In 2 minutes time, I had a plate with microwaved rice and pork something something (it has orange sauce. I have no idea how it’s called). After a yummy meal, smile, I did.

5:20 - I drank my day’s dose of milk and went upstairs. I polished my teeth with my so-called toothbrush and green-blue-white-red toothpaste. My hair was till wet and even though I didn’t want to tie it up, I had no choice. I halfheartedly put it in a bun. “You’ll get there late. First entry on your DTR-tardy. So cool.”, said my super nosy mind. Threatened by my super nosy mind’s remarks, I hurried up (right, like 1 minute could really make a difference). I put on the muk-up that our facilitators kept on reitirating, the socks that should be long enough to cover my skin that’d be exposed when I sit down and the shoes that should be dirt-free. I got down, packed my lunch and looked at my watch:’s still 5:40…. wait…Huwahhhhaattttt?! FIVE FREAKIN FORTY and I was till at the GATE?! - pfffft. Where have all the cabs gone?! ugh.

broom (soft), broom broom (loud), broom broom broom (louder). Thank heavens for this one. I got on the orange tryk and I forced myself to smile. I really did.

I got off, then walked like a mile (?) and rode on a jeepney (it’s not orange, i’ve already had enough orange kaechosan). I sat beside the driver, a good place for mirror addicts. I carefully studied my reflection and guess what?! Sweat deleted the muk-up that took me twenty million minutes to put on. Darn. I wanted to swear. But my seatmate’s reflection was looking at me so i decided not to. Hesistantly, I smiled (and swore silently). I really did.

On my third ride (on a bus), I SMSed claire to ask if she’s in the hospital already. She’s still in mrt and she thought she’d arrive late too. She ended her text with huhu so I replied with “think positive with a two-dotted u at the end”. I smiled to myself. Not because I had to but because the busman gave me a 15php ticket after I told him that I got on the bus at St. Peter and will get off in kamias. (They usually charge me 19-22 php). I had a good one there. and yeah, I did smile.

I jeepneyed my way to my destination, brisk walked the hallway towards the employees' entrance with some batchmates and PUNCHED! YAHOO.. 6:24am!!

Pronto: my batchmates were busy pinning their caps to their nicely bunned hair. I retouched (awwww) to look healthier. I put on my cap even though I don’t know how to coz it’s different from the one I used in college. Ugh again. I had no extra hair pins. Foolish. Stupid. Tanga me. Claire helped me and Chris gave me two pins. yeiey. These two ladies were an awesome lot. I love them. I smiled again.

We were sent to our respective floors with happiness deeply imprinted on our faces. (Probably the effect of greeting everybody a lively “GOOOOOODDD MOOORRRNING”) I couldn’t help but smile. the whole batch was so energetic.

On the floor, the people were great. As in everyone there was uber friendly. They’re very accommodating. It’s so nice to move around with people who don’t have pissing aura. I love it there. The downside though is that: my cap kept on misplacing itself the whole time. I’ve already taped the insides to keept it fixed and I already pinned it to keep it in place but to no avail. It’s so strong that it overpowered the hair pin’s clipping ability. ugh. the cap went here and there. It annoyed me the whole day. ugh. But of course, even though i was totally, frustatingly, disgustingly annoyed, I still smiled.

Now, I’m home, typing another senseless post with a pokery smile on the face (kidding). I’m happy. Yeah, genuinely happy coz after all, I managed to maintain a positive outlook the whole day despite my simple series of unfortunate events. I didn’t let those petty mishaps ruin my day. Most of all, I’m happy because my annoying cap is already in my bag and will be jailed there until 6:15 tomorrow. =)

uhmm..thinking positive really helps.=)

Sunday, April 19, 2009

I'm thinking like I'm old

The first post that i read from netaholic was her amfufu. it's really cute and funny. so i read all other posts of her as well and like others, i enjoyed reading them.
this morning, the first blog that i visited was hers again.
I was happy for certain reasons (yeah, yeah, you got me there)
i was happy because i found my name on her page. geeez. so babaw, i know. but what the heck. when I signed up for a blog, I was only thinking about one thing. To have a safe place where i could put my thoughts on- a place where my friends don't visit (coz i have lotsa secrets and i don't want them to pity me again. i've had enough of those that's-alright-we-understand-you-drama..) . but when people started poppin out on my chatbox , i went like "oh. this is sooo kewl." i never knew that blogging could bring me this wonderful feeling that i have at this very moment-elation.
(fyi, i'm actually smiling while writing this and i hope nobody's spying right now coz they might think i'm mentally challenged or something)
anyhow, i really find this girl (netaholic) smart. i know you can sense it too. she's just 19 and she writes better than me and i'm like what?23?(shame on me,hehe) I really admire her for her writing abilities. the humor, etc. the choice of words, etc. and the cute face, etc. lawl.

@ you, tear_jerker, yes, you..don't look at your back and at your side coz i'm talking to nobody else but you-the author of amfufu and nostalgia (hmmmm, i have a blog with nostalgia in its title too but it's in we think the same, huh?!.hehe.yehey.)
anyhow, yeah. read this carefully.
I don't want you to look down on yourself just because you're currently out of school.
Puhleazz, 78% (stat baseless) of the people who are currently studying are jerks. they're just there because they have, you know, money. and how are they doing?uhm. they're so busy trying to be cool and all that. buying all the lastest fashion pieces, owning the uber latest edition of whatchamacallits and then flunking 3/4 of the subjects that they're in.
So technically, you're way better than them.
Keep in mind that not being in school doesn't make you less of a person.
I'm not saying though that you shouldn't finish college.
What I'm saying is that, keep that depression off your system.
I think you're doing just fine.
Don't strain your mind too much with problems that are for grown ups (like them )hehe.
you're still young.
you have to enjoy.
Hone your abilities.
Think of easy ways on how to get back to school. (scholarships, yeah yeah.)
You can also have part time jobs to help you finance side thingies like lip gloss (lol), yellow paper, binder, pens, calculator, photocopies, etc.
Don't worry yet about where you're going coz it'll only consume the time that you're suppose to allot on more important and more productive matters.
I know I am not making sense again.
I know you are intelligent so just try to understand my topsy turvy post.lawl.
I'm beginning to like this a whole damn lot.
Good day to you Juan and Juana.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

KaRiR TaYmLayN

"Where am I heading?"
If thoughts would get 1 point every single time that they cross my mind, this question would've probably earned a million points by February 2009.
I could perfectly remember how I bathe in desolation a coupla months ago.
In the last quarter of 2008 to be exact, about 2 1/2 years after my graduation day, I became the best definition of M_E_S_S.
In case you don't know, I am a nurse by profession but during those times, I was nothing but a desperate case of a loser.
Like the thousands of nurses across the country, I was jobless. But unlike them, I wasn't a fresh graduate or a fresh board passer. My batchmates were already employed in different hospitals then.They were everywhere. Some were already on the other side of the world earning loads of dollars. And I?Where was I?I was at home collating another batch of documents to be submitted to various health institutions in the Metro.
But the competition was tough, very tough. All the hospitals stopped hiring. No matter how hard I try, it was still useless coz they weren't accepting applications.
I was hopeless.
I had no direction.
Until now, I couldn't describe how I actually felt then.
It seemed like good fate had turned itself away from me.
I looked at myself and I saw not the jolly geli that I have known since 1986.
What I saw was a pale and limp girl, with eyes that depict the worst case of loneliness.
I looked down on myself.
I tried to enjoy myself to avoid schizophrenia but everytime I hit the bed, bad things came to mind again.
I thought that maybe it was God's way of letting me pay for the cruel things that I've done.
I kept on asking God to forgive me. I thought he wasn't listening.
Then Ate Gigi helped us. She made a way for me and Kathy to become volunteers in a hospital in Bulacan. For quite a while, I enjoyed volunteering. It kept my mind away from worries. Atleast that way, a hint of light had already shone. "If i would just persevere and work hard, I may become a regular employee someday and have the hospital experience that i have long wanted.", I thought to myself.
But for proximity and health reasons, my parents asked me to stop. I became desperate again.
I continued applying. Fortunately, I had been given a spot in NKTI's Basic Skills Training. However, my IV license wasn't available yet so they had me transferred to their May schedule from January sched. February came, I was asked to get back home to Davao to accompany my grandfather in the hospital. On my last few days in the hospital, PCMC called and told me that I was for interview. I hurriedly went back to Manila and Good heavens helped me a lot. I passed the HR interview, the Nursing interview (which really made my nose bleed), and the super hard qualifying exam (until now I couldn't imagine how I got through it, it was really hard.1. maybe i didn't pass but they had no choice coz i was the only one who took it. 2.maybe the other applicants backed out the moment they saw the exam that was full of computations and essays and uber hard problems with only hour to answer them.or 3. maybe the other applicants took the exam and we all failed but i was one point higher than them so they had to choose me.)
2 days before my final panel interview, another hospital called and said that I was for training. I asked my Mom, my friends and other people for advice and they told me the same thing. hence,
I didn't go to the interview. I chose the training.
Now, I'm very glad that I made the right choice. I'm really happy with what's going on in my life right now. I've known a lot of new and super cool friends. I learned a lot of new things and I discovered a lot of good things about me. Everything's going well and I'm lovin it.

When we look at it in a negative way, life can be so cruel. But in reality, it doesn't really want us to cower down when it throws us obstacles. These obstacles have purpose and that is to prepare us for better opportunities. We only have to wait. In God's own time, everything's gonna be A-okay!

bakit ka ngbablog?

i really don't know the real reason behind.
in fact, if sir abner (the man behind an_indecent_mind) didn't tag me with his own version of this blog, i wouldn't have thought about the reason/s why i blog.
unlike most people here, i didn't grow up loving the art of writing.
in my elementary and high school days, my most hated activities in school are writing compositions and public speaking.
when my teachers would ask us to write essays, i'd always have a hard time doing it. i couldn't decide on how to best start my work, i didn't know how to elaborate my ideas and i couldn't end it on time. it was my waterloo.
if i remember it right, i only discovered the beauty of writing when i was in college. it was on my 1st year in San Pedro College to be exact.
our english professor once asked us to write a composition about anything that we like to talk about: music, sports, celebrities, food, hobbies, etc.
when she cued us to start, i began writing about my friends. i talked about what we did together, why i enjoyed hanging out with them, who are they and those kinds of topics. i was halfway through my task when i eventually ran out of ideas. I couldn't think of what to add to reach the minimum number of lines. time was ticking. i panicked. i wrote. i erased. i wrote again. i erased again. my paper became half-filled with crossed out sentences and i didn't quite like the look of it so i decided to use another sheet and transfer the first lines that i've written. the moment my pen touched the new yellow-colored paper, i realized that i didn't wanna write about my friends anymore. ideas rushed through my brain and i wrote down a quotation mark. then three dots. then the word "there", and then "goes", and then "Beckham". yes. i actually started my piece with words of a sports commentator. "passed the ball to number 16, number 16 tackled the ball, made a really cool head bat and blah, blah, blah." i had so little time to finish, but i actually managed to reach the required number of lines. i just wrote down everything that came to mind about soccer: how i learned playing it, who my favorite players were, why i love the sport, what are its benefits and its downsides, and many others. i wasn't proud of my work so when it was time for us to submit our works, i got my classmate's paper, put hers in top of mine and submitted both to our prof.
a week after, a friend from high school approached me and asked me if i was the one who wrote about soccer and i answered yes and asked why. she then told me that our english prof read my essay in their class and told them that it was one of the good ones that she has received from her students.
huuuuuwhaat?!!! yeah. i went crazy because for me it was shameful. i made a quick mental review of my grammar, my vocabulaary and organization of thoughts. and then i shrieked. i wanted to disappear. lol.

anyhow, because of that incident, i became interested in writing. i doodled on my notebooks, i bought journals, i wrote on friendster, opened my account here, forgot about my account for a while and came back few days ago.

now, you wanna know why i blog?
i'm looking for the answer too.
a. it's a good way to blurt out innuendos
b. it's a cool tool to brag about something
c. it saves me lotsa ink
d. it helps me release tension
e. it makes me feel good to know that i've actually written one paragraph
f. all of the above.
i'm thinking...

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

proverbs in kindergarten language

i was tidying my bed this morning when i saw this little white book entitled
"The son of a duck is a floater".

It's a compilation of Arab sayings which were translated in English. I've come across this book for like a hundred times already yet I still laugh in my mind whenever I read its title (simply put, i crack almost everyday coz its on our bedside table.) It's just funny in its cute little way. Anyhow, i've searched the web for another version of the title's meaning which also happens to be one of the proverbs and guess what? hit it right (like i know what you're thinking,lol)!!
It's the Arab version of "like father like son".
*eyes rolling*
Ok, so, here are some of the pieces from the book which I think are interesting
(not that it matters what i think):

* pardon me for the arab lines, i don't know how to add dashes, apostrophes and many other watchamacallits above and under the characters. lawl.

arab: Man Shabba 'ala shay'in shaba alaihi.
english translation: He who grows with a habit greys with it.
english counterpart:
Old habits die hard.

arab: Battikhatayn bi yad wahida ma biyithamlu.
english translation: Two watermeolns cannot be carried in one hand.
english counterpart:
Don't attempt the impossible.

arab: Yad wahida la tisaffig
english translation: One hand cannot clap
english counterpart:
It takes two to tango

arab: Dhakarna al gut jana yinut
english translation: We mentioned the cat, it came bounding.
english counterpart:
Talk of the devil...

arab: Illi ma yiraf is-sagr yishwih.
english translation: He who does not recognize the falcon grills it.
english counterpart: Regrettable deeds are performed through ignorance.

arab: Kalam al layl yamhuhu an-nahar.
english translation: The day obliterates the promises of the night.
english counterpart:
Vows made in storms are forgotten in calms.

arab: Silah al mar'a dumu'aha.
english translation: The weapon of a woman is her tears
english counterpart:
Trust not a woman when she weeps.

....and many others..

pinoy and swiss blood concoction

when is a friend a bestfriend?

for some girls: when you can bring her along to shop for the hottest fashion pieces in town just about anytime.

for some guys: when you can play basketball, soccer, or dota with him 23 hours a day.

for dilemmaniacs: when you could count on him after the world has poured all of its troubles on you.

for loners: when he sticks with you even if the whole galaxy has turned its back on you.

for the paranoids: when he can be trusted with the most personal issues that you have.

for boyfriends: when his name sounds good to the ears of their girlfriends if they want to get rid of human tails for a while.

for girlfriends: when she first hears the “yes” story and the “we’re over” story respectively.

for me: when his name is chrigi and his last name happens to be hager.

yes. he’s my bestfriend (well, one of my bestfriends actually coz there are two: this guy and sigrid). he’s the half-swiss egoistic end equally goodlooking striker who first joined our class in 1996. sorry for the word but i’m telling this with all honesty, him joining our fifth grade class woz really bothersome. we had to speak in english just so he could understand. what made it more annoying is that teachers always had to ask him if he got what they said like every other sentence. ugh. you can just imagine how our classes went that year. everyone’s eyes were on him. eventually though, he learned to mingle well with us especially with the boys. with him, they became rowdier. lawl.

then years passed. something dreadful happened. we became the worst of enemies. we so hated each other that you couldn’t find us any closer than 10 feet. but that war didn’t last long. through our reconcilitaion thingy in our junior year, we were able to resolve the conflict. we were both sorry for the mistreatment we gave on each other and from then on, we became really good friends.

if i remember it right, he started all of this. we were both on our way home one night from dspc. he started telling me things about his past: some naughty and some heartwarming. i was really surprised because we never really had a serious conversation since the first day he set foot on our campus. it was the first time that we talked like real friends do. it felt really good that someone as seemingly arrogant and as pogi as him would trust with me stories which i found really personal. it felt weird at the same coz i was used to hearing these kinds of stories from girl friends, not from a guy who had a jockey, a proud and a chic magnet image in our school. nonetheless, i still listened. and after his roll of words, i also told him my share of almost-sob-stories.

the morning after, i received a letter written on a paper which was obviously torn from a soccer paper pad. i really don’t know how it’s called . it’s the one with a representation of a soccer field on it and it has grids. anyways, it’s how our world as best of friends began.

at first, it felt awkward because i cannot expect people not to add color to our bestfriendship (lawl, whattaterm..hehe) since we happen to have a funny past. i woz totally happy about him being my best pal, but i had doubts coz of stupid things. these doubts tagged along me til college. i knew it was so lame of me to have that but what else could i do? for someone who really thought of herself as an unwantable person, having him as a best best bud is like being given 95 ice cream freezers full of ice cream. lawl. he’s also aware of that and that irritated him. hence, if there’s a contest on who has said to me upfront that i’m corny and OA the most number of times, no doubt, he’d win. I’m just thankful that he preferred calling me that to leaving me flat.

anyhow, i think i’ve already lost hold of that fruitcakey idea on our friendship. we’re now getting along really well with each other. you know those repressed feelings they discuss on psychology classes? the ones which may be mentally disastrous if not blurted out? i don’t have them because i have him. i could tell him just about anything under the sun: from worries to worries and to more worries. lawl.

because of proximity reasons though, we hardly hang out. and even if we’re on the same city, we still don’t go out coz we have diffrent squares of interests and circles of friends. but i guess it doesn’t make our relationship less of a relationship (huh?) coz even though we don’t see each other often, we still hold on to the invisible ribbon that stretches from his neck to my hands. lawl. he knows everything about me. my weaknesses, my strengths, etc. he knows when i’m lying (telling lies, not the horizontal meaning), he knows when i’m in love. he knows what i’m really worried about as opposed to what i just told him. he knows when to play it cool with me and when to strike at me. and to top that, he’s the only one on this absofreakinlutely friendly planet who could say these things to me on my cracked face:

“you look like a pig. haven’t you heard the word “diet” before?”

“it’s obvious that you’re hurt. you’re really bad at hiding your feelings.”

“be brutally honest.blah blah blah. be politely rude.” ( when asked about how to deal with someone who annoyed me in the past.

…and many others.

simply said, i’m just so blessed to have him as my best bud.

ps: whoever said that men and women cannot remain friends without underlying motives must be taking hormonal supplements (u know what i mean) during his interview.

i am in love

if there’s one person today that my heart longs to see, it’s gotta be Del Lazaro. For those who do not know him, well, he’s the guy that i’ve been crushing on for so many days already. I like him not because he’s goodlooking but because he’s got an amazing array of talents. he plays the guitar, harmonica, keyboards and God knows what else his hands could fiddle on. He also sings and beat boxes. grh. he’s just so good at his craft. So good, that i cannot find the right words to describe him. he’s the perfect example of a guy who defies description (term borrowed from sir spanky).

so how did i get to know him? it all began with happylsip. happyslip introduced this guy to my world and i guess i really should thank her an awesome lot for that. the first time i saw him, i knew right away that he was the guy who could top my long running obsession over David Beckham. from that moment on, i’ve been thinking like hell about him everyday and every night of my life. and even if the world would condemn me for being overly crazy over this brownman, i wouldn’t care. I’d still continue lovin this bloke and everythin about him. =)

Hoops Day with TJ Giants

( Originally posted on

Who would’ve thought that my super duper talent in choosing thrift over convenience would escort me to an off screen view of TJ Giants practice?! yea, yea, yea,,u definitely hurrrdd it right!! Yesterday afternoon, I was supposed to meet nffs @3. I opted to save myself a P20 worth of jeepney and tricycle rides so I went out of the house with kuya roland a bit too early. It was an hour and a half kind of early so I didn’t get down at philcoa. I went instead with kuya to Loren’s school thinking that I could just hop out at edsa on our way back.. Now here’s the good thing. Loren’s school is in front of the place where TJ players practice. Hence, I, Thea Angelie Braga, (with all the luck in the world) ended up watching the Purefoods team turn the court into a playground steaming with handsomeness, ultramasculinity and uhm.. bouncing basketballs!!!! whew that was long..(help me, help me, breathe in, breathe out..hhhoooooo)

Not only that, I enjoyed watching them stretch, run, jump, dribble, dunk and shoot without:

a. security guards harrassing me;

b.screaming fans blocking my hearing and sight;

c.costing me a single centavo; and

d. having to wrestle with crazy people to have a pic taken.

whoah! beat that!!!

Now, a night has passed but I still couldn’t get enough of yesterday’s hotness., of topex, of rich, of james, of paolo, of all o’ them…Oh my!! I think, I’ll be having a weeklong stroll along my purefoods memory lane..yahoooo.

wait, I know this is not “me”. I don’t go crazy over Hoops hotties..but what the h***, I DO NOT CARE AT in idunatkeyretowl..

Nweiz, here are some shots but they aren’t of good quality coz it’s not like I brought a really good camera. u know, the real digital thing. lawl. but U cannot blame me coz I didn’t know what I was up to. If i had known that i’d be having lotsa doses of VITAMINS for the eyes, I would’ve brought one good shutter. stupid me.

another nweiz, here they are and yeah, u need not ask me permission to drool over them. I’m giving you ultimate freedom to do

weee..blogger with ALvin P. (his scent made my knees weak.)

weee..blogger with ALvin P. (his scent made my knees weak.)

another hottie beside me..his royal hotness made my hair go crazy!!hehe

another hottie beside me..his royal hotness made my hair go crazy!!hehe

the uber pogi Paolo Bugia and his not-so-pogi teammate

the uber pogi Paolo Bugia and his not-so-pogi teammate

the whole Giants team with their coaches and other very important somebodies..hehe

the whole Giants team with their coaches and other very important somebodies..hehe

the blurry image of james yap.. it's actually the spinal cord edtion.

the blurry image of James Yap..It’s actually spinal cord themed.sshhhh.

I'm not sure what their coach told him to do but i'm pretty sure he didn't bend that low to pray..lawl.


I’m not sure what the coach told him to do but I’m pretty sure he didn’t ask him to bend that low to pray..

last nweiz, u might ask me whatever happened to the nffs meeting and the planned hopping out at edsa. it didn’t push through. good for me. *wink*.

random reason for gratitude

(originally posted on November 27, 2008)

“zzzz..zzzz”, sounded my phone, seeming so eager to get my attention. But much to its dismay, its plea was utterly ignored. If only it could hop out of the front pocket of my tangerine scrub, it would’ve gone its way through my ears, pressed the green button on its own and made me answer the call, whoever the caller is. But It couldn’t and I pitied it. The buzzing went on again. I wish I could let it know that I cannot in any possible way answer the call because I’m busy. However, like any other nonliving thing, it went on and on coz they’re never sensitive to oxygen-breathing beings’ whims.

The vibrating effort of that tiny thing kept me distracted, turning it off was the best solution offered then and I found it rather reasonable. While I was pressing the power button with my cute thumb, I found out that it wasn’t actually a call but overwhelming messages from 6 people. If you’re wondrin why in hell those messages came simultaneously, celebrate with me coz I had no idea too. It was either 4 of my friends sent group messages at the same time, telling everyone in their group lists that life is good and it keeps getting better no matter how asskicking the problems may get and 2 of them asking how am I doing; or maybe all of the six messages came from the 4-digit numbers of telcom network giants wishing to allure me with their almost free ringtones, ringback tones or mms of celebrities. That or whatever, I didn’t know coz I decided to keep it dead for some time.

After getting busy with loads of undertakings, I excitedly turned it on. 3 of them were from a friend in Red Cross. All of them funny and good to read after a heavy day’s work. One was from a friend in High School, I could sense the excitement in her text considering that we’ve been out of each other’s reach for quite some time. Another one, a fowarded message that contains absolute intention of praising the GUY above for keeping things in order for us. It was from one of the fairview boys. The last but definitely not the least was from a friend asking me if we could go home together coz we’re gonna be off at the same time although not from the same workplace.

I replied according to the senders’ desires and even afforded to send “hehe” with a two-dotted “u” at the end to the funny ones. Yeah, i replied to all of them even though my replies weren’t warranted.

There’s nothing really awesome about this. It just kept me lighthearted knowing that God will always find a way to keep you lighthearted in between hours of pure stress. In my case, after hours of sheer stress.

God Bless You Friends!

what's in store for me when i reach rc's age?


before i received him from his outgoing nightingale, he was already restless and agitated..

he wouldn’t listen to anybody and he swore like we all hailed from that place called hell and made him suffer..

we couldn’t help but follow orders and by that i meant having to prevent him from doing harm to himself and to others..

i was sorry that my colleague had to do that and i had to help, but it’s for his own welfare and for everybody else who were there too (including his son and two of his daughters)

he was maddened by the fact that his activities had to be given limits..

so til midnight, he kept on shouting, crying and coughing as loud as he could..

he called names of saints and the people from the heavens above, he kept on calling his yaya, his father who was long dead, her mother and anybody else whom he thought would make his suffering vanish..

i tried to talk to him without expecting something positive..

i never thought i could talk him down to silence..

that was too much to ask for..

but for a short time..

he listened..

we talked..

i asked if it’s possible for him to lower down his voice and calm down..

he said sorry and that he understood..

he agreed to stop shouting and he really did..

we talked softly..

but it didn’t last..coz after a great deal of time, he was out of his control again..

i dreaded the thought of the chemicals in his system that were responsible for his sensorium and behavior..

because, if it weren’t for them he wouldn’t be like that..

why do we have to grow old and acquire these watchmacallits?

he started calling names again and wanted to wake up every single soul that was asleep then..

he’d struggle to let go from his MRs and tried to get out from bed..

he kept kicking and struggling..

he couldn’t help but give in to the goings on inside his body..

it was something that he couldn’t control..

we had to refer..

doc ordered chemical restraints and i administered it..

he fell asleep..

the moment he woke up, we’re good ole friends again..

he was already sober..

(originally posted on November 26, 2008)

the unusual state of mind

(originally posted on November 19, 2008)

when i felt low a few months ago, i prayed for an event that could at least make me forget the pain that i felt inside..God made me watch the Lifehouse concert.. it did take my mind from the misery that i was into. But then after the event, i was back to my sobbing state again..i couldn’t blame Him..i just asked for a temporary relief, right?i didn’t say forever..still, i thanked Him.

when a friend of mine was in serious trouble, the kind of trouble that only then i knew existed, she felt helpless. there was really no way out. because i couldn’t help her any better, i prayed. I asked God to enlighten both of us so we could see even the narrowest path to the best solution. I thought we were hopeless but i kept on including her in my prayers.i waited for so long without knowing that God has already done his wonders. before i realized it, my friend had already seen the light. now, we’re not done with the problem yet but she’s doing well. please help me pray for her.

when somebody made me feel like i was the worst person on earth and i wasn’t worth anything at all, I asked God to give me something that could me make believe that like beggars, the elite, the IT consultants, the salesladies, the bankers, the doctors, the astronauts, the mailmen, the butchers , the ceos of the biggest companies, like any other person in this universe, my worth’s more than what bill gates could make in his entire lifetime. He answered me with a news that did not only make me proud but my family and my friends as well.

i got totally bored and bummed with my life at one point in October.I got so tired of looking for solutions to my problems.I got so tired of waking up each day, thinking about how other people would end up theirs feeling satisfied. I prayed for something that would keep me busy while opportunities weren’t at hand yet, He gave me Doc, I’m enjoying the kind of life in a way that only i understand. It’s stressful but i feel fulfilled knowing that God lead me to it.

one day last week, i went through a situation that made me feel like all the bad luck wishers connived to let me down. you have no idea how i felt so unfortunate then. it was like the heavens closed all its doors on me. every turn i made seemed a wrong turn. every choice i made seemed a wrong choice. and even the things that i couldn’t control joined forces to stomp me down. i had nothing. so i rummaged through my bag and found 2 rosaries, i got one out and prayed the rosary. I told him that if He really meant to give me all those discouragement and tribulations, i would wholeheartedly accept them but i plead for a stronger heart coz mine has already lost all the energy it previously had. with tears continuously wetting my cheeks and my hanky, my fone rang. it was my mother. all the words that i longed to hear started going out of her mouth. God knew how thankful i was for what he did. sending my mom and my entire family has always been his best way to answer me. i then felt stronger although some inhibitions remained. however, t the end of the day, everything went super cool.

that is how great He matter how dark our world may seem, as long as we continue believing in Him, a tiny flicker shall always make its way to give us light. when we feel down, we shouldn’t lose hope coz there will always be something good in store for us. when we feel like we have nothing or we can’t do anything, we should try counting our blessings and then we’ll realize that there’s so much to be thankful for. We’ll see that we may not own Petronas towers, or we may not be wearing Pradas and Dolces, we may not be driving Jaguars but we’re rich with his countless blessings. we’re rich with family’s love, with friends, with yummy donuts, with continuous flow of egloves, with sun’s rays, with the moon’s light, with the rolling back of gas prices, with steady supply of vegetables, with healthy bodies, with friendster, with good employers, with good employees, with good workmates, with crinkles, with water, with coffee, with oxygen, with clothes..THERE”S A LOT to be thankful for. i hope you have started counting your blessings too.

i ain't searchin

(originally posted on September 28, 2008)

Somebody just told me.

” gel, mustah na?may iba kana?.” (c/o anne)

I just let out a sigh. It’s been so long since we ended our so-called love affair and people have been telling me since that day that I shouldn’t worry coz somebody better’s gonna come along. Then it hit me. Do I really have to search?

Well, I don’t think so. Just like what Sir Dennis said (a good friend of mine from steelasia), I don’t need a man to go on with my life. He’s right and it goes to all the young women out there who haven’t found the right one yet ( esp to yra). I’m just 22, life has more to offer. At this point in time, I still could say that I can live without a guy just like the way a bird lives without a microwave oven. If I’m not meant to have one yet, then be it. We’re not supposed to force it coz if we do, it might turn out disastrous again.I won’t deny that I love the feeling of being in love together with its hurting appendices, and yeah I kinda miss it. But that isn’t reason enough to go on searchin. I want to be the one being sought after and not the one who seeks. It’ll feel really good if I’m doin nothing and all of a sudden, somebody notices me , comes up to me and says “Hey, are you up for some coffee or for a walk home?” that’d be a lot more romantic than chasing for that uber handsome crush of yours and end up being hooked on a date with him just because he hasn’t found the woman of his dreams yet. then worse, you’ll realize after the date that he’s not exactly what you’re looking for because beneath his gorgeous facade lies a totally irresponsible, shabu-sniffing saddist moronico.lawl. Ain’t that great?!

So yea, I’d better wait.

Here goes to Kalbo who asked me what if he (my ex D) finds somebody new way before than I do?You are such a good friend, thanks for askin that. I’ll talk to faye later and ask her to reevaluate your relationship coz she might have missed something significant. lawl. (kiddin)

Anyways, yeah. What if that happens?! Of course I’m not gonna go “yehey, let’s celeberate!” (that’s being utterly stupid) and pretend like I’m not affected or something. Somehow, a part of me will be hurt but It’s not like I can do something about it, you know what I mean. It’s his life man and it’s kinda expected. It’s been so long since we parted so he has the very right to enjoy. Happiness just knocked on his door, what power do I have to prevent him from having that, to get all upset and to go yelling at him just because he got to the pit stop first while I haven’t even left the starting line of the first leg yet. We’re not on a race. I just wish him well. After all, he knows what I want for him. I always tell him that.

forgive me if i mentioned names here..peace!=)

have you heard the song “Obviously” by mcfly?!

it’s similar to my situation before, yeah, in one way or another.

emotionally disturbed


did you ever feel so desperate to help but then end up doin nothin heroic just because of limitations that hinder you from doing so?! if not then good for you because i felt that sting of guilt knowing how my friends needed my help but i couldn’t because of certain constraints.

last night, 2 of my closest friends expressed their need for a helping hand and kind of thought that it might be my hand that would do the magic. both of these friends know each other but aren’t as close as i am to each one of them. i wanna start with the younger one coz the other has a bigger problem and a more complicated at that. throughout this text, ill refer to the younger one as “cute” and the older one as “pretty” to hide their identity and to avoid repeating the words “younger” and “older” which is kinda annoying.

“gel, help.” that was cute’s first text message. i wasnt able to reply right away coz lately i got used to leaving my phone on the dresser and only check it everytime i hit the bathroom. so during one of my bathroom trips last night, i got to read her text and felt sorry for the delay. i asked her what’s up and guess what her problem was all about- love life. yeah, for the heck of it, she asked me for an advice that concerns the thing that’s not currently my favorite.lawl. did it ever cross her mind that like her i was a loser too?a worse loser in fact. but no. she thought i could give her the best words of wisdom coz that was my job when were still together. she could just say every awful feeling that she had and i’d be like some superhero who’d flood her troubled mind with pieces of advice. yeah, that was before. when i still knew what i was doing. or i thought i knew what i was doing. but now?at present?this month?lawl.i didn’t even know what to say. i even forgot how to give comfort when in fact i was so good at it before. yea. i so wanted to tell her that she chose the wrong number. coz if there’s someone who really suck in things like that, that’d be me. but did i diss her off?no.and why?because, she’s my friend. i may not be able to solve her problem but at least, she has somebody she could vent her feelings to. so she told me the old-timer-he-left-me drama. i ddnt want the details, for the reason that only i know. she told me she thought he was the one (which is funny if you’ll ask me coz you can never tell that he’s it if he hasn’t brought you to the altar yet. even some of those who had ended up separated.) yeah. hell. i’d like to tell her this “you know what?you met a real jerk and worse, there are thousands of them scattered in the metro. so if you’re not gonna learn and you’re gonna break down because of this one dumbass, you’d better be ready for 999 more breakdowns in the future.” but i ddnt tell her that. lawl. i just let her voice her feelings out coz it’s not like i could bring the guy back to her so they’d be all lovey-dovey again. well, i wish i could but let’s be realistic here. anyways, yeah. i just told her that if she wants to cry then she should do so then tsand up again.

maybe we should accustom ourselves to 3 things:

1. experiencing heart breaks. it’s bound to happen expecially if you’re not taking care of the relationship and/or if your partner has found someone better.

2. accepting that we can’t have everything that we want. coz sometimes, what we want don’t want us back.lawl.yeah, that kind of shit happens almost always.

3. livin a pre-relationship life again which means to wait again and date again and get involved again and ride the roller coaster again and fall again and cry again and wait and so on until you get to the one who really accepts you for who you are and is willing to compromise..but if you don’t wanna end up in different cycles, then just wait and wait and wait. don’t hook yourself up until you feel that everything is really falling into the right place..

and lastly, i told her to pray. God is so good, i know He’s gonna give her someone better. in His time..and she should pray for that ex of hers also and hope that his decision would make him really happy. so while her superman is still out there and has not crossed paths with her yet, she should make the most out of her time enjoying her life and doing things that make her happy..


superego: yeah right geli. you couldn’t even handle yours well.haha.

id: hush. that’s what you think!hehe.


anyways, let’s move on to pretty.

uhm. i don’t know how to say this because her problem is as complicated as this country’s economy. super complicated. i tried my best to help her in ways that i know are right (according to principles which are influenced by my family upbringing, my studies, my genetics, my race, etc) it goes. my friend has a problem and she wants a solution that is so not in line with my morals and her morals as well. i tried my best to let her know that i will support her all the way for so long as she’s not gonna do the thing that she’s planning to do. I’m very willing to help her get through it in the right way but she doesn’t want to. now i’m torn between obeying what mind and heart say and giving in to my friend’s problematic condition..which is which?! i understand how she feels but i don’t know.i feel so bad everytime i oppose her.grhhh. i have always prayed for her but God hasn’t answered us yet.

you, yes you. please help me pray for pretty.

i really want the best solution for her problem.


thank you.

the one who sliced the fruitcake

(originally posted on september 22, 2008)

i’m trembling, yes i am..

i’m left with nothing but words in my head..

words that explain how this world can be so cruel..

yes, cruel..

it gives us obstacles that seem so great..

so great that sometimes we doubt if we could overcome..

but then in the end, it really doesn’t matter..

cause the real fact of the matter is, they’re there to make us realize that we’re something..

coz when we hurdle these trials and end them triumphantly, that’s when we realize that we’re not just anybody..

we’re somebody..somebody who’s strong enough to ward off the fears..

somebody who lives life to the fullest no matter how difficult living may seem..

sometimes i wonder if i could get out of this dark problem pit that i’ve fallen into..

i’ve been battling with this for so long already..

i tried to grab and hold real tight to the meager rocks and stones that are embedded on the walls just so i could pull myself up and eventually get out of this hollow place..

i thought i’m halfway there, i thought i already saw the light of hope, but man,was i a fool..

it wasn’t really light that i saw..

i was only dreaming..

and then i lost my grip again and fell..

fell really hard..

my bones shattered again..

i wasn’t like this before..

before, i was so strong..

so strong that when i fall into pits like this, i would not even get to the bottom..

so strong that before i reach the bottom, im already grasping things that could prevent me from falling deeper and help me on my way up..

and before dusk comes, im already out of the pit and continuing my journey again..

this time, everything’s so different..

i don’t even know why i let myself fall into it..

it’s so dark..insects even think twice on thriving there..

never in my life have i encountered places as dark as this..

i never thought a pit like this exists..

but i ain’t losing hope..

coz i know, that if i can’t do the climbing on my own, God’s gonna throw the rope and pull me up..

in time, time..

and then it’ll be another time for me to be proud of myself again..

cause once again, i have not given up..

i will get out of this dark whatever..

but i wouldnt think about forgetting this place..

coz, in it i found two friends, the water that quenched my thirst during my struggle and the sturdy rocks that gave comfort to my back..

they helped my make sounds so my prayers could be heard..

when i get out of this damned place, im gonna be leaving them there and i would surely miss them..too bad i can’t bring them along with me..

yes, coz they’re bound to be there..

to be part of the pit..

and so, when im already out of this problem, id make it sure that i’ll be seeing them every once in while..

they may not want to see me back but i want them to know that i’m so thankful coz without them, i wouldn’t have survived..

they may be thinking that they have not done anything for me, but they rally helped me a lot..

they helped me in ways that i can’t explain..

and now, im gonna coninue hoping and striving hard to overcome this hardship..

to the one who sliced the fruitcake: if you’re someone from the future, see me soon..

this morning (posted on 7/7/08)

this morning, while i was fighting with myself coz my body won’t get up from bed, a luring aroma slowly filled the air. i couldn’t help but be tempted by the smell of fried meat and eggs. it was so good that i had to end up arguing with myself coz my tummy couldn’t wait any longer. it was too good to resist. twas definitely a whole lot better than another 5-minute sleep extension. i hurriedly got down and ate breakfast (take note: that was still 530 in the morning).hehe. when i was done, thoughts of the past started crossing my mind. that moment, i realized that it has been so long since i last manipulated our kitchen back home. i missed making beef and mushroom lasagna, my ordinary sushi and my choco mousse ala pobre.hehe. the latter isn’t really named that way. i don’t know if i remember it right but its real name has the word deluxe on it. forgive me but i cannot fathom calling the dessert with that name coz in our province, one of the couple of ways of using the word deluxe is to refer to non-airconditioned buses. whatever, it’s just not right for a dessert, it just sounds too..uhm..u know..BUSish..hehe..or BACHELORish or
anyway, yea.i miss cooking. but hey, don’t you entertain the notion that im good at it..coz i aint. i just know how. hmmm..but in all fairness, according to my folks and our house help back then and some of my friends who were so fortunate to try my deli, it tasted good nman daw. although the feedbacks weren’t reliable because they had to consider my feelings, i still believed that it tasted good. Don’t argue with me you dim-witted antagonist!hehe.poink. san n nga ako?uhm yeah. it was good according to my oh-so-low standards.hehe. Haha..tama, all were yummy except for the one that i made for New year’s eve about 3-4 years ago.hehe. on the 31st, my family went out to take care of some affairs and left me at home to prepare for our Media Noche. i decided to cook the lasagna last. i was done with the pasta and the white sauce and im halfway through my filling when a friend of mine texted and informed me that he’s on his way to our home..i said ok. we talked and laughed and i forgot that i left my meat sauce simmering until a familiar stench reached ur olfactory receptors,one that said: "hey, stop talking,it’s kitchen emergency" hehe.. so i hurriedly got back to the kitchen and like what i expected, most of the meat has settled at the bottom of the pan, not to mention, BURNT to blackish red.hehe. i still went on with the layering after removing the burnt portions. and the taste?uhm good. except for the fact that when it reaches your mouth, the world starts’s a good thing though that my moodrah took care of the turkey, otherwise, all that we would be having for media noche then were desserts.hehe..wala lng..=)

letting go

about a month ago, i lost somebody who’s very close to me-my uncle was devastating..i really felt so low coz he was so dear to our family and then he suddenly left us.. we’ve been through hell because of that..but life must go on, they say.. so i started to regain my composure and began living like nothing happened..weeks passed and i lost another man again- him.. i thought i was strong but these experiences have made me realize that i wasn’t, im not and i don’t know if i’ll ever be again.. losing somebody, no matter how sugarcoated the parting words are, is really very painful.. they say it’s part of growing up but when you’re the one enduring the pain, you couldn’t help but believe that it’s never that easy.. with my uncle, there’s nothing i could do but pray for the eternal repose of his soul.. with my ex, it’s a lot harder. i so wanted to keep the relationship but at the same time i rejoiced that it ended.. i love the man but destiny has made it sure that we know and understand that we’re not meant to be together..cliche as it may seem but it’s true, at least in our part..was there a third party? uhm no.well, that’s as far as i know. if there is and im just not aware, well then, let’s leave the matter untouched.. after all, everything happens for a reason and i don’t wanna hold hold grudges coz it’ll only make my shoulders heavier.. he said there’s no third person involved and i want to believe him so if you’re thinking otherwise, just keep your thoughts to yourself and let me believe what i want to believe.. where am i?uhm yea, depicts what i truly feel inside at this moment.. im happy and im not.. im happy because at long last, we have gained the courage to leave the relationship that’s not makin us happy anymore.. he has to be happy and i have to be happy too..we’re just unfortunate coz we have to find that happiness in a sad manner, ouside our comfort zones..ironic.yea.. im sad.obviously because i truly loved him.. who in her sane mind would feel euphoric after losing someone that she loves so much?nobody..but like what i have said we have to part ways..we have to continue living without each other..and there’ no turnin back or else we’ll let ourselves wallow i deep pain again..

now, we’re friends and i’m thankful that our goodbyes weren’t bitter.. i wish him bliss and i wish that he’ll finally find the one that he’s looking for..we have to let go, we have to move on, we have to grow..may god bless us both..and yea, you too.hehe