sober fruitcake

IRONY at its finest

2012-01-14T12:29:00.000-08:00

Ok. One day after my elation towards the unexpected publication of my article in Young Blood, my boyfriend and I called it QUITS-as in finished, done. Don't fret, I know, I know, that I've said that like a thousand times already and you're probably not believing me anymore. SHHH! This time, HE was the one who finally let go. Sucks right?! No, it doesn't! It HURTS and SUCKS BIG TIME! I'm at the point where I can no longer say sorry and beg for another chance because HE doesn't love me anymore and there is totally nothing I can do about that. It's just so freakin OFF because yesterday I was at the peak of my happiness. I was all smiles the whole day. and a while ago, I probably just gotten rid of a a thousand ml worth of tears. Oh God. Help me deal with this. :(

Is this What I Want? my lucky PDI Young Blood article:)

2012-01-14T12:16:00.000-08:00

(hey guys, this is the copy of my article entitled "IS THIS WHAT I WANT?" which was published in the Young Blood section of Philippine Daily Inquirer last January 12, 2012. I hope you would take time to read:) i posted the link at the bottom just in case you feel like reading it on PDI's site :) thank you PDI people for this very rare opportunity!)

At 25, I am still young. And I am in the Middle East. Every morning when I wake up, I try to convince myself that this is what I want. By “this” I mean being an overseas Filipino worker.

Before I left the country, which must have 100 nurses per square kilometer, I had a job that most of the jobless nurses I knew wanted. I was a staff nurse in one of the best—if not the best—hospitals and the newest of its kind in the Philippines. Talk about the highest standards of care, excellent customer service, high-end equipment, sophisticated structure, excellent human resources support, and of course, prestige, they have it. To top that, I was assigned to one of its critical care units and surrounded with people who learned, made decisions, cared for patients, complained, worked and had fun with me. If I were in someone else’s place, I would have been envious of what I had, minus all the setbacks that we encountered in the process of revving up our unit operations. Because it was a newly opened health care provider, almost every single thing had to be thought out thoroughly and decided upon: from the policies and the protocols and down to free shuttle services. Hence, to say that we had pressure and stress levels reaching the red marks to cope up with ever-changing practices would be an understatement. I was happy with my colleagues and the kind of work I had, but I lacked the strength to face the minor hitches that bugged us every now and then. I was able to keep my love for the job for quite a while and then came the “quarter-life crisis” that dissolved whatever was left of my motivation to stay.

I read about it in a magazine neatly tucked in one of our desk drawers. I am not an avid magazine reader (except for those which feature Angel Locsin) but that one probably had some kind of magnet in it. After disappointingly answering more yeses than no’s, I felt that the columnist was probably thinking about me when he was writing his piece. The fact about me being in my mid-twenties, earning a so-so salary, unmarried and still at an entry-level job hit me squarely.

Right after reading the article, I decided that I had to leave my job. It didn’t matter whether I would go abroad or end up going home. All that mattered was that I leave.

Applications for new job opportunities were sent, homebound tickets (MNL-DVO) were bought, and a resignation letter was prepared. After a series of rejections and a few bouts of frustrations, a God-sent offer finally found its way to me. “This is it!” I thought. I resigned and accomplished requirements needed for the job in the Ministry of Health in Saudi Arabia, the only thing that was clear about the job opening. I had no idea where exactly in the kingdom I was going and to what nursing unit I would be assigned.

So here I am, in one area of Saudi Arabia that is so far that if we were allowed to do so, we could reach Yemen by land in three hours. It is so far from the heart of the country that if Riyadh were Manila, I would be writing this in the middle of the Celebes Sea.

Don’t ask me about homesickness because I have been homesick for about three to four years already. Ask me about culture shock, adaptation and the million surprises that faced me during my first few days here.

It is a cliché, but working outside one’s homeland isn’t easy and is never a privilege. For others, leaving the country was a necessity because they have families to feed, offsprings to send to school and debts to pay. For me, it was nothing more than a very risky option. I am single. My mother, thankfully, still has the means to provide for our family. I don’t have a heavy debt burden. And I had a stable job in Manila. I could have stayed in if I wanted to, but I chose not to. The quarter-life crisis cast shadows on the path towards my dreams and I needed to get through those dark silhouettes in order to reach them. I thought (and I am still thinking) that this was the best way to do it.

If I can resist the temptation to buy extra food and modern gadgets, money will never be an issue because my salary comes tax-free, food and water are free, I have no electricity bills to pay, and there are no malls to visit. Sounds fun, huh? Fun indeed, except for a few facts that most hopefuls back home underestimate.

For one thing, there’s discrimination. Foreigners against Filipinos—that is to be expected. But there’s also that kind where Filipinos discriminate against fellow Juans and Juanas. There is very limited freedom to speak, to write, to act, to work and to enjoy the way you want to. In adversities, you can only count on your own self because you never know who among those around you would care, listen and do something to keep your trust. Plus, you will miss all the weddings, fiestas, hangouts, birthday celebrations, Christmas parties, out-of-town trips and many other pleasures you can share with your friends and family back home. These and many other difficulties keep me wondering if leaving everything behind, including my previous job, was worth it.

I realize that my job is a blessing. The good friends I met here are blessings, too. The salary I receive every month is a blessing. The learning and experience I get every working day are blessings. All the hard work has paid off and every day I thank God for all of these, and especially for answering my prayers. After all, at 25 and in the middle of a quarter-life crisis, this is what I want.

But again, is this really what I want?

Thea Angelie Braga, 25, is an NICU nurse at Sharourah General Hospital, KSA

http://opinion.inquirer.net/20939/is-this-what-i-want

colouring your hair the sharourah way

2011-11-09T08:29:00.000-08:00

one of my friends needed to have her hair colored a bit brownish but since there's nothing like David's here, they decided to make a pseudoparlor out of our humble room.

i've been watching them for quite a while now and i kind of learned the basics. however, i have not the slightest interest on having my own mane dyed so opted to just write the steps instead:

step 1:

buy a hair color of your choice..

(theirs was CLAIROL NICE n EASY #45, don't ask me what it'll look like coz the user doesn't know either..hehe)

step 2

get a trash bag

and make an improvised

gown or sando (this will serve as your clothes' awesome protection from stubborn dye stains)

step 3

comb your hair and divide it into 3..one on each side and the third one on the back..use plastic blue ties for aesthetic purposes:)

it will look like this

step 4

wear the improvised gown

step 5

ask a good friend (and by that i mean the kind of good friend which wouldn't mind inhaling the strong vapor and the waiting hours) to don gloves and apply the solutions on your hair

good friend:

step 6

follow the instructions on your product leaflet...wahahaahahaha:)

after carefully and faithfully following what's written there, tadannnnnnn!!!you now have a hair shade 2 or 3 tones lighter or darker than your normal color:)

reminders:

1. during the procedure, do not ever forget to turn the volume of the laptop up coz the good friend might not hear what bruno and sir manuel altamira is saying..lol

2. jack en poy will be helpful. by that, you wouldn't have to argue with your good friend on the amount of dye to be applied, the thickness of hair per application, and the sequence of the procedure..

3. make sure your comfort room is clean...hehe:)

please return my wallet

2011-08-12T07:34:00.000-07:00

huhu. I am Thea Angelie Braga. I lost my wallet this afternoon. If you happen to find it or know someone who has it by sudden twist of fate, please call me or text me on this number..09172016392.. u may keep the money there but please return my IDs. I need them badly..huhu

Don't Quit

2011-01-16T21:34:00.000-08:00

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road your trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must but don't you quit.

Success is failure inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar.
So, stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -
It's when things go wrong that you mustn't quit.

I really do not know if twas the culprit behind my very quick change of mind.
When I received it from Krizia last Christmas,
I really thought that it was one of my friend's pathetic attempts to keep me from quitting.
I was very sure then. Like 92.58% sure.
Then I made a quick swerve and opted to save cowing for later.
If it did its purpose, thanks to her.
If I made a swift turn out of another reason, thanks to her still.
But you know I'm not thankful that I didn't quit.
and for you to understand, you must know how it feels like to be dragging yourself to work every effin day, 5 times a week.
unsure every single time what drastic and very disturbing scenario might occur in eight hours.
Every working day gives me fright.
Every waking time makes me anxious.
But maybe they were all right.
That it wasn't the right time.
I'm just thankful that I gave myself more time to think things over and that I still have my friends and my family and my 15-30 blessings.
However, after reading it for the 3rd time, I realized that somehow, whoever wrote it was right.
Might not be for my last dilemma but for the events in my life in the previous years, it somehow made its point.
Not once in my life did I decide to quit.
Since I graduated from that school we call SPC, everything turned out the way it wasn't planned.
Every decision I made was done if not on impulse, out of somebody else's influence and ideas.
I wasn't sure what I wanted so I had to ask people for answers and then strive hard to prove them that they were right.
I was kind of good at that, working hard so I wouldn't fail them.
But believe me, working hard and striving hard to reach your goals even if they were inspired ones, wasn't easy. Well, of course because if it were, it would have been called striving easy and working easy. idiot, geli.
Anyway, for someone who had everything new: support system, means of transportation, language, food, ideals, place, laughter sources, surroundings..etc, believe me, it wasn't a walk in the park.
I had to gather extra strength to push me into doing what I was supposed to do and everytime I felt that the world is making things really difficult for me, quitting was my ready answer.
Not once did my cousins hear me say "I'm quitting".
Not once did ate jane and ate fe hear me say "This is it, I'm really quitting".
And not once did I save in my blog drafts the words "I can't do this anymore".
But almost all those times, I ended up not doing so.
And everytime I decided not to or wait for the right time to, something better and unexpected would always come along. Good timing is all it takes.
So yeah, the freak who made this poem must be really right.
I had a taste of Life's sweet nothings because I didn't quit at the wrong time.=)

His Love in Us

2011-01-13T05:06:00.000-08:00

like what most of my friends know, this guy has been God's answer to my prayer (although technically, he's actually quite more than what I wished for). as far as I can remember, I was in deep emotional trouble when I asked God to keep me single so I could spare myself from another heartache ( simply because I was sure I was going to finally breakdown on the next one) . but of course, it came out with a bargain, which more or less, went like this:
"but Lord, if you have someone saved for me who isn't like the 78% of the total male population who in one way or another, hurt me, my friends, my neighbors and all the gurls in the world, I might reconsider."
and when this guy came along, I indeed reconsidered. thank heavens for the wonderful midyear gift..=)
So when this guy asked me to make a Prayer for both of us, I agreed even though I didn't know how to. Then I came up with this and he printed, framed and gave it to me as one of his Christmas gifts last year.
and because I only bought push pins this afternoon, the long been planned hanging has been finally implemented.
so there. on my wall. the just-hung-but-already-a-year-old gift from my boo=)

"We pray to you our loving father in thanksgiving for the wonderful blessing that You have bestowed upon the two of us.
We owe you dear God the wonderful years of friendship and the blissful months of love that we've shared.
We humbly ask that you keep us united in love and faith and may you impart in us everyday the spirit of understanding, patience, respect and affection.
Shun us away from misunderstandings, pride, jealousy and bitterness and in times when these negativities can't be avoided, instill in us forgiveness, humility and peace.
Bless our eyes Lord, so that we may always see each other as an inspiration and we that we may always find happiness in each other's company.
Bless our minds so that we may always think of each other as a source of hope and fulfillment.
Bless our mouths so we may not speak ill of each other and that we only utter words of happiness and encouragement.
Bless our ears so that we may always listen to what the other has to say.
Bless our hands so that we may always remember to take good care of each other.
and lastly, bless our hearts so that we may always love each other no matter what happens and that we may always put you in the center of our relationship.
Give us the wisdom Father so we may not consider distance an obstacle to us.
We pray in Your glory and these we all ask in the name of Jesus, Your Son. Amen."

and so far, we've been so blessed..=)

love actually

2010-11-09T03:28:00.000-08:00

Jane harris to Cal Langdon:

“You distrust all women because of what one of them did to you.And that’s made you take this anti-marriage stance. But it’s not marriage that’s the problem.It’s ditzes like your ex who don’t take it seriously or get hitched for the wrong reasons or whatever. Don’t blame the institution of marriage for Valerie cheating on you. It wasn’t marriage that made her cheat. She was just a ho.”

I stumbled through this and thought that this might help you go easy on your man-hating campaign.
In your case however, the ex was a male ho. So you kinda have to twist the statement a lil and think that you're the female Cal Langdon.=0
I don't know.
I still believe that someday, someone's gonna love you(thanks nina for the words..hehe)
seriously and make you believe that love indeed exists.
I'm not telling you out of my own experience because you're right, what can a one year and a half old relationship prove?!
I was once hurt too and I admit I swore I'd never trust any guy again because they all walk with "womanizer" stamped on their foreheads.
But I met people who made me believe otherwise.
My friends at work have "to die for" relationships.
My male cousins have Long-term happy love affairs. (kudos to the three of them)
My female cousins have knee-wobbling love stories.
Maimai and John are so much in love.
Sir Arnel and Sir Chris love their wives very much.
My grandparents take care of each other in a very cute manner.
My bestfriend is head-over-heels in love with Kate.
Danreb has "mami" written all over his page.
I have friends who are in their 5th, 6th, 7th year together..
A lot of friends post statuses in FB telling the whole world who lucky they are to have their partners.
I still think that you deserve a chance to believe that people can be monogamous(for married ones) or loyal/faithful (for not yet married ones) to their partners.
Can't help it. I'm surrounded by couples who perfectly personify the characters I see in romcom flicks and in telenovelas. The ones that make me sob and go "aww..when will I ever meet this kind of guy?!"
Maybe, it's really not love that's the problem. Maybe it's those people who fall short in proving that they're in love.

my long overdue post

2010-11-08T02:10:00.000-08:00

this was my gift for him last month. I was so hyped about his coming over to Manila to celebrate with me that I totally forgot about that day being our monthsary. lawl. With adrenalin flooding my veins, I texted everyone to rescue me from utter idiocy. I asked them for ideas on what to give him for our monthsary to make up for the fortune that he shelled out for the plane tix. Jenelle suggested that I cook his favorite dish(right, like I have all the time in the world). Others said that I buy him this and that so i went like "wahh..it's raining buckets outside and all i have are five hours or so. how in hell would i be able to buy somethin without going to work afterwards drippin wet?!". Pressured by the ticking of the clock and the downpour of seemingly impossible suggestions, I ended up with an idea of making another letter. unfortunately it had to be a whole lot simpler than the previous ones because I didn't have the luxury of time. so out of that idea came this one..

Love indeed knows no distance. Adrian Manila, a 25 year old radiologic technologist, flew all his way to celebrate 16 months of love and friendship with his long distance girlfriend Thea Angelie Braga. At around 1am , Philippine time, the guy finally set foot on Metro Manila grounds with treats in hand and went straight to his girl’s workplace, St. Luke’s Medical Center – Pediatric Intensive Care Unit to meet the nurse who he least thought would capture his very hard-to-please heart.

The two have been walking or better yet “phonecalling” their way through the lovers’ lane since last year and like any other couple, they also had their share of humps and hollows. Unlike others however, they managed to overcome these difficulties even though they’re technically islands, seas and skyways apart.

Adrian aka Pakdong has been Geli’s classmate in High School but even though they literally sat under one roof in four academic years, the two couldn’t remember being close to each other. In short and simple language, they led very different lives. They were never friends. They were only classmates-which is what we call people who sit next to us to talk only about group projects or how short the skirt of the teacher was and never about that cute guy who texted or that biotch who stole somebody’s boyfriend. But of course they knew that the other existed like the way GMA knew that Bill Clinton was in the same class with hers in Harfreakinvard Law School. Yes, of course.

They both existed. Fact. Geli was even totally aware that Pakdong was one of the greatest football players in school; that a lot of girls go gaga over him; that he was silent as a lamb; that he was one of the few guys that her goon-filled barkada so hated in Senior year and that he was their eXO in CAT. They had very few encounters that she could basically count them with one hand and a few more fingers. So few that if he weren’t seated behind her in Junior Year, she wouldn’t know that he knew how to laugh. But you can’t blame them, they both had their own set of pawns and queens and kings to maneuver. While he was very busy honing his kicking and headbatting skills, she was on the other hand busy watching her crushes in his team and that tall, dark and VERY handsome guy from another school. Lawl.

His world revolved around soccer and jerseys and knee high socks and shin guards and strikers and goals and premier leagues and world cup. And hers? World was all about looking for her lost thing; who’s leading the flag ceremony (which included but was not limited to rosary,novena,morning prayer, bible reading and pete knows what else could help us save our souls,), angelus, 3o'clock prayer, flag retreat; answering homeworks in school because she had no time for them at home; takraw, takyan, Chinese garter, soccer, luksong tinik, tigso; bullying CAT applicants and following CAT officers; talking about their teachers’ not-so-nice habits and not-so-fragrant armpit scents; collecting amorsiko and talisay leaves; cleaning garden boxes; and again, watching that guy from other school beat her classmates’ asses in the soccer field.What about their love lives?! Well, she, together with a bunch of girlfriends kind of like matchmade him with a few girls in class but he was..uhm..apathetic. SIMPLY BECAUSE HE LOVED SOCCER SO MUCH and his ultimate crush was pretty and was her friend and not to mention was taken (I’d rather not name drop unless I want my neck wrung like a wet towel) and her crush?! There’s a lot so I’d rather not start.

Basically that was high school. For him, she was a nobody and for her, he was a soccer player. And after 5 normal years, 2 leap years and sudden twist of fate, they became good friends. So good that she always reminded him to lower his pride and do something about his problem with his ex because she really wanted them to get back together. So good that she technically gave his number to a number of friends so he could find himself a decent girlfriend. So good that she wanted him to be the boyfriend of one of her closest and kindest friends. And so good that she actually listened to him when he told her that the best way to move on from a failed relationship is to drink. And then she became his mocking subject. Whatever she did, whatever came out of her mouth, he always had a say, uhm no. Make that a nasty say. She felt like she hadn’t done anything correct anymore. He would always reprimand her even when a mob of onlookers were around. He even said, straightfowradly at that, that he could always find a girlfriend easily but he would never court a girl with a band aid on her face and yeah, that was (guess who?) GELI. His guts!ugh!.And because of that, she dreaded his presence, she dreaded the entire existence of Adrian Manila. They both hated each other but for some unknown reason, they always show up in a group together And the very common “first impressions last?”-IT”S BOLLOCKS. Coz in the end, they turned out to be having that romantic eyes on each other. JEEZ (cheesy). And they both did a pretty good job on hiding that psychosocial strength Erik Erikson calls el-ow-vee-eee. And I can’t believe I’m saying this. Lawl.

Anyhow, 16 months ago, after a casual confession, a ragged rejection, a birthday celebration and a deep realization, they finally tied the shoelace. It was very queer at first from a nemesis-turned-lover’s standpoint. What can we expect? From classmates, to beermates, to mockingmates, to friends to lovers? Odd. But whatever they shared, no matter how awkward it was for them, was special. And they managed to maintain that special bond for 16 wonderful months amidst jealousy, misunderstanding, pride, differences, distance, rejection, break up attempts and rumors. And now, even after a night of miscommunication, they’re still together. And to that, the girl wants a toast and she wants to say that no matter what, they’re gonna end up together. She wants the guy to know that she loves him so much and nothing’s gonna stop her from doing so, not differences and certainly not distance.=)

-The BandAid Girl

kwarter layp kraysis

2010-10-28T17:31:00.000-07:00

a workmate asked me to read this article from a health magazine.
I didn't know such term existed.
well, i was aware of midlife crisis but not this one.
"Quarterlife Crisis"
(click if you're clueless)
anyhow, after answering most of the questions there with a frustrating "yes" (because you're supposed to have at least 12 yeses to know if you're struck with such), i felt so low.
it was said that it happens to people my age more often than not but its normalcy doesn't necessarily eradicate the existing problem/s.
so it's just but normal to feel such.
but i don't want it so I don't want to be normal.
I want to be one of those lucky few who mostly had "no" for an answer..
But because I'm normal, I'm stuck with it. grh.
well, they kind of suggested ways on how to avoid the depressing experience of looking at yourself like you're the poorest thing on earth except that you're the kind of poor who could afford to eat three meals a day, one movie a month, one shirt in three months and save nothing at the end of the year.
it's not nice to compare but I can't help it
especially when your news feed is filled with photos of your friends with the whole of europe as their backdrop, statuses that say that your colleagues just shelled out $*** for dinner, gadgets fresh from the box, unending travels here and abroad and I'm stuck in this hospital, earning a meager wage after I've been shouted at by patients and doctors.
Talk about disappointment.
I never knew that I'd end up like this and why I'd taken up my course in the first place.
I wanted to become an engineer.
It was my ultimate dream.
The article says however, that I could still go after it.
yeah right. but may I just remind you that I'm already 24 and engineering takes 5 years and you can get your license a year after so that's 24 plus 6 if and only if I'd quit right away?
poor me.
I don't know what to do.
I'm 24, working in Manila while my friends and family are enjoying their asses out down south.
and my salary?! well, it kind of doesn't exist. in fact, to call it salary is even an overstatement.
I don't know what I'm doing here. I go to work everyday for four simple reasons:
*so I could have something to eat,
*so I could pay my rent
*so I could buy load and talk to my boyfriend, siblings and family who are all islands away from me
*so i could buy myself round trip tickets when phone calls won't suffice anymore..(and this happens very rarely)
I know I shouldn't complain because there are thousands who are jobless.
well, I have a job but it's pointless.

GIBO..

2010-04-26T02:37:00.001-07:00

wala lng..im prayin hard from him to win this election...

saan na c geli?

2009-07-21T20:03:00.000-07:00

Lawl. I haven't realized until now that I've been away from this world for almost a month already. I browsed your pages and I feel sad cause I cannot read everything that you have penned since my last visit. Sobrang dami na. I wish my time ako pra mkacatch up kso wala tlga.haiyz.

Anyways, thanks to ate reyane, and hari, and ate deth, and jelai, and neta, and everyone else who dropped by and left comments on my previous blahblahs..hehe..salamat for keeping my page nonnecrotic ..hehe

ok, so where am I now and what's new about me?

*I'm still in QC and working my heart out in a hospital eight and a few more hours a day, 5 days a week. That explains why I'm havin a hard time updating my blog and visiting yours. coz after work, I just eat and then doze off. And when i wake up, I'm off to work again.

*My sister has flown her way from Davao to be with me and I'm lovin the company. So on my rest days, it's either we go out together or we go out with my tita and tito and our 4 cute cousins. (another reason why I couldn't visit)hehe

*I bought 2 new pairs of scrub suits only to find out that I wouldn't be working in the area where I thought I'd be working. lawl. I just threw a few hundred pesos worth of scrubs for nothing. lawl.

*I'm officially a PICU nurse although I still lack some of the trainings required. However, our Nurse Unit Manager already said that we could take care of it along the way so I feel no worries nemore. I'm just happy that I belong to one of the best units in our hosp. I wish I'd stay there for good. Please pray for me.

*my boyfriend and I are having the best times of our lives although we're technically islands away from each other. I really couldn't ask for more. We're already nearing our second monthsary but we haven't had a single fight yet. How's that for a start?hehe. I really thought this is going to be difficult coz the last LDR I had was a total mess but man, was I wrong. I'm actually loving it coz even though he's on the southern part of this archipelago, he doesn't make me feel unwanted, betrayed, cheated and fooled. I always know where he's at even though I don't ask him. He calls everytime he's not at work and even when he's out with his friends and 75% of our total call time, we're laughing. btw, his girl cousin just texted me this morning to say that his mom was happy for us. weeee...and yeah, I'm gonna end this paragraph right now otherwise I'd end up writing a thousand more words.

*I still see Mar Roxas's face on TV and everytime I do, I feel like puking but of course I could not because I am in my patients' rooms. that's how Busy I've been for the past month. I can only catch a glimpse of what's on boob when I'm giving out medicines or changing IV fluids. pathetic.lawl.hehe

I guess that's all..
jelai, I heard u've been sick. hope you're well already.
Bye fow now..Til my next hop. muah!

havin the time of my life

2009-06-27T22:32:00.000-07:00

by the power vested upon me by the lords of hearts up above, I hereby declare myself as officially taken..hehe

but it's not like it happened last night or a week ago..it's been almost a month since I proclaimed that we're officially on.. so obviously, we're gonna be celebrating our first month very soon..as in like days soon..and yeah, i'm very excited coz I never had so much fun in a relationship like this before..honestly.

(i also know that you read my post regarding my ex who changed his status to "in a relationship" a few weeks ago. it's the reason why I said I'm not supposed to feel all huhu because after all, I've taken the first step shortly ahead of him. we just didn't let people know right away coz we didn't wanna shock everyone's nerves out knowing that my current bf and I have matchmade each other to just about every girl or boy that we know (we've been friends since high school) .yeah, knowing that my ex has gone to the geli-less phase of his life hurt but i guess that's totally normal.remember my post where I said that i was so happy?it was during those times that I finally realized that yeah, I've been looking everywhere for the guy who's gonna sweep me off my feet. I didn't know he was just right under my nose.)

oh no. don't make so much fuss about my excitement. I know pretty well that it always starts like that, all happy and giggly but yes, pessismists, you are right: eventually the sparks gonna fade in the long run. that always happens more often than not and I'd be playing hyppocrite if I'd say I don't believe in such because I've been there myself and so have thousands of my friends...

during the first few months, everything runs smoothly.. (except on the one i had with my controversial ex coz on the very first day that I said yes, we already fought.)
everything's all about roses and chocolates..
everything's all about hugs and kisses.. and yeah, that thing,lol (not applicable to me though.hehe)

but after the 6th month, everything goes topsy turvy...
differences become objects of disagreement..
egos become subjects of arguments..
pride becomes the priority..
buckets become filled with tears..
711 run out of kleenex stocks..
and food chains and ice cream parlors double their revenues..
sad but true..it's make or break..

It's always like that but sorry, I don't wanna dwell on these negativities right now.
I mean, I'm totally havin so much fun so I deem it utterly stupid to stress myself with these possibilities in the midst of euphoria..
I just wanna enjoy everything that has to be enjoyed before we enter that dreaded phase where couples do nothing but fight and throw hurtful insults at each other.
I just wanna enjoy every lil joke that we crack on each other..
every anecdote that makes us laugh our hearts out..
every realization of each other's hidden aspects of personality..
every story in the past that we love to tell over and over and and a hundred times over again..
every sweet good morning greeting..
every lil act of concern and affection..
every memory of our friendship years that we love to reminisce..
every discussion of how our friendship evolved to a more intimate level and how it seemed so impossible years and months ago..
everything that's going on between us right now..

yes, it wouldn't be all yeheys forever but for so long as I'm having these times of my life, I'm gonna be super fine and A+++happy!!

YUM!!!!

2009-06-25T06:53:00.000-07:00

morning:

ham, egg and cheese sandwich + milo + fresh milk

10 am:

carbonara + real leaf (it's like c2 apple except that it's not)

lunch time:

beef with carrots and baby corn + apple juice

5pm:

cheeset sticks + ketchup and mayo

6pm

hawaiian pizza

6:30 pm:

blizzard (mud pie 12 oz)

7:00 pm:

i pc chicken from kfc and coke

9:00 pm:

WORLD WAR II in my tummy

*that's what gluttons get when we lose control..

nmiss ko kayo..

2009-06-18T04:11:00.001-07:00

@ indecent mind: wahhhh...have lotsa things to tell you..i just don't have the luxury of time right now..but i'm gonna try writing everything down here and you could just throw all the effin words you wanna throw at me then..hehe
@ hari ng sablay: ouch talaga..kala ko ok na..hehe..pero ngayon ok na...nshock lng cguro ako nun.. dko npaghandaan.hehee
@ chase: wahhh...dunno really.. kc, i don't wanna end up bein with him nman tlga..hehe...nhirapan lng tlga ako sa pagerase ng feelings..but for the record, i LOVED him but he's a jerk..hehe

@ jelai
@ ate deth: thanks po..I'm okay na..lhehe.
@ pajay: onga teacher eh, sna it's complicated muna..hehe..pra nman d nbigla mga neurons ko..hehe
@ goryo: haha..nice article..ntawa nman ako dun..sipon tlga eh noh..hehe
@jacajo

wow..ganda nman ng poem..salmat ha..hehe..don't worry ngumingiti nako ngayon..hehe.

@netaholic..

san ka tinago ni lord?tgal kang d ngparamdam ah..hehe..
move on na gurl..ung mga hanging, kalimutan mo na..after all, if the guy loves you really, gagawa at gagawa ng paraan un to have you back..kung babalik xa, eh di ok..kung hndi, d ok narin atleast d nsayang time mo sa kakaasa..

wahhh..it's been like years since my last post..
I miss everyone na.
thanks for the cooments..as in..
nweiz,
with all honesty, I'm proud to let y'all know that I'm very ok nah..
I didn't have a hard time accepting what happened..
thanks to my work..hehehe..
oion, nytnyt na..hahabaan ko next time..hehe

Super Happy

2009-06-03T17:41:00.000-07:00

clap clap..
stomp stomp..
Yahoo..
yehey...
weeee...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

plattaps

2009-05-30T05:38:00.000-07:00

2 chocolate lovers and I were on our way to one chocolate lover's whereabouts to get the Kitkat that he offered to share with us. I was busy thinking about thing-ama-jigz when they began discussing about how they prefer not so expensive chocolates like Kitkat to Cadbury or Ferrero. They both agreed that Kitkat tastes so much better than the latter two. They also mentioned many other chocolate brands under Kitkat's category which primarily refers to the ones that are inexpensive and incheap(if such a term exists, which i doubt.haha) at the same time like Hershey's, etc. In short, they're fans of the medium priced brown colored delights.

I don't know what got into me that made me say " Alam nyo pnkafavorite kong chocolate? FLAT TOPS. As in."

Then they began laughing and commented like
"ang mura mo palang ligawan"
" bka gusto mo rin ng serg, or ung mga bilog bilog na tigpipiso."
"ano ba nman yan, mga mumurahin?"
"tsaka ung chocolate coins"
"o di kaya Goya. gusto mo rin ng Goya noh?"

Maybe I flushed a little but of course I didn't see it. I so wanted to elaborate how flat tops mean to me but I opted to save myself from further embarrassment. I wasn't ashamed that I love Flat Tops because I really do. They're like the best chocolate pieces that have been invented minus the sky-high price and glamorous label. But the fact that they see it as cheap and unworthy of notice makes it, uhm, yeah, embarrassing. I just kept silent and smiled and they went on.

You might find it cheap too. But I don't care.
I also love Cadbury. I love Hershey's kisses and bars. I love Merci. I love Toblerone. I love Lindt. I love chocolates (and ice cream).
I love it dark or milky. Not white. No nuts and whatsoevers. No toffee or caramel. No other flavors like curry, or paprika, or chilli. (they're weird but they do exist).
but, however, nevertheless, my most love kind is still the one wrapped in orange stripes plastic and a piece of foil that can be bought almost anywhere in the Philippines - RICOA FLAT TOPS.

I like its texture which is very slightly sandy, its sweetness and the fact that I can eat it wherever and whenever I want to.
When I was in high school, a P9.50 pack of it was a resident in my bag and three pieces of it in my pocket.
In college, my food locker is useless without the bigger pack of flat tops in it.
Now, i'm still addicted to it even though it sells p2.00 a piece already. (twas only piso a piece back then)

yeah, it's mumurahin but it makes me smile=)

angelie, anyone?

2009-05-29T19:25:00.000-07:00

I've always thought that having a name that 19.7% of the total female population own is so not cool. But I discovered yesterday that it being not cool is in fact an underestimation. As far as the past week is concerned, I do not only find it uncool. It's also a temper wrecker and a paranoia-trigger.

Rumors have been going through the ears and mouths of just about half of the trainees in the hospital where I'm also having my duty as one. We have about 10 batches (more or less 400 trainees) currently on deck. About 5 batches in am, and 5 in pm with three trainees from each batch per unit. The cheesy information that has spread faster than the h1n1 virus has goes like this:

" Alam nyo bah, sa Ehem Unit, may pabibo daw. Bossy daw sa ibang trainees. feeling senior."
" ah talaga?ano'ng name?anong batch?"
" Di ko alam kung anong batch eh"
" ano'ng shift?"
" di ko rin alam eh. bastah ahn-je-li daw ung name"
" ay gnun?"

Of course, I wasn't aware of it at first because my mother happened to register me in the local registry as THEA ANGELIE D. BRAGA sometime in 1986. How in hell would the people tell me when I probably be the one they're talking about?

Then a colleague from the same unit where I'm in, also bewildered by this chism, approached me last wednesday. She speaks Bisaya so we kind of had a very good chance to talk about anything without the others knowing what we're chismising about. She started our conversation like this (in Bisaya):

"Gel, diba geli tlga twag sayo dito?"
"yup. bket?"
"may nkakakilala ba sa'yo as angelie?"
"oo. marami.bkit?"
"kc ung kbatch ko, narinig si *toot* sa elevator. sabi nya, naiinis daw tlga xa ke AHNJ. eh d nya alam, may kbatch ako dun n ksama nya. eh diba ako lang nman ung ANG(pronounced as ang as in ang tv. ang tao) dito?"
"eh anj ung sbi nya so di tayo sure kung sno kc preho tayong angelie."
" pero feeling ko ako kc d kme close ni *toot*"
" eh d rin kaya kme close."
" xa lang ata ung d close saten lhat dibah?"
" bka nman nhihiya lang mkijoin"
" dko rin alam. bhala xa. bstah wala akong gnwa sa knya"
" bka nga hndi ikaw"
" ewan ko. kc ang sabi anj eh."
"eh d ka nman anj eh, ang ka."
"eh bka d nya alam pano pgpronounce"
"hay.kalimutan na lng muna ntin. mwawala dn yan"

I just shrugged the idea off for some reason until our post conference happened. A batchmate told me about the rumors that she heard in their unit. She was the one who heard the "alam nyo ba?" conversation above. She said she hesitated to inform me because she was afraid. Judging from her statement, I knew she was pretty sure that i was the subject of these blahblahs. I can't blame her, i'm the only angelie that she knows. I can't blame my batchmates either coz I'm the only angelie that they know. To make the matters more exciting, my name is angelie and I go on duty five days a week in Ehem Unit.

When I returned to the unit, I told Ang that it might be me. And then we thought about it and realized that in fact there are four of us in the unit bearing this very COMMON name. One in AM shift and three in PM shift.

#1
First name: Thea Angelie
Name written in my name badge slash ID: "GELI"
batch : 12

#2
First name: Angeli
Name written in her name badge: "ANG"
batch: **

#3
first name: Angelica
name written in her name badge: "SHINE"
batch: $$

#4

first name: Anjeli
name written in her name badge: "ANJELI"
batch: &&

I know I'm not supposed to be heavyhearted coz I really have this great working and friendly relationship with most of my co-trainees (except for a very few). If I'm bossy or whatsoever, I'm pretty sure they won't be laughing or telling crazy stories with me , or grabbing me for dinner or telling me that they want to be my buddy (modesty aside). The thought of me having a really great deal of time with them reduces my worries but the fact that my name is ANGELIE still makes me wonder if I'm the one that these people are talking about or if these people I consider friends have two faces. hay..

Whatever, whether they do or they don't, I still love being with them and I'd continue enjoying what we're doing everyday: having fun while on duty.

*ehem unit - a general unit with 15 trainees from 5 different batches
* toot - a gurl from a batch who's also in ehem unit.

high noon

2009-05-25T20:13:00.000-07:00

from jelai of my deviation

from pope of palipasan

wow. it feels like centuries since my last post. I have lotsa things going on inside this minute brain of mine and i hopei could spill em all out on this one but I doubt if I could do that so I might just tell you some of them: only the few that I can actually write about.

first of all, I miss you guyz!!! as in super duper miss you..(especially you..hehe)

second, I wanna thank jelai and pope for the awards.. wow nman.. touched ako.
pwede rin pla akong mkareceive ng award.hehe. before, I only see these awards on your pages. now, i have two!!!! as in T-W-O!!!!!!! can you believe that?twoooo..hehe.
But it's not only for these awards that I should be thanking both of you. You also deserve to be recognized for the influences you had on me through this blog.
jelai: for my dose of your daily quirks, stories, young love life dilemmas and reality checks. (not to mention the greetings that you give to everyone everyday)
pope: for the enlightening and inspiring words you put on your posts and your comments. (lemme ask you though, how do you come up with those ideas?you talk like you've really been to a wide array of deep shit in different intensities and categories, hope not.)

third, I haven't talked to Sir Abner (the man behind an indecent mind) for quite some time so during the past week when i was being stomped on by the laborers of the problem factory, I was close to breakin really hard. ugh. The absence of his pseudobrotherly words has totally crippled me. It's not like I can't solve my problems on my own. of course I can, you dork. I just find it better if I hear more mature views from seemingly mature persons on not-so-good things happening to me. hearing it from another person makes the pieces of advice more credible than hearing it from my own blabbermouth. ok. so I guess i better check him/you out before every remaining good thing turns me down.

fourth, I have already made plans on my davao trip come first week of June. It's just so disappointing that it might not push through. Our medical examinations, vaccinations and what-not's are scheduled that week. hayz. now tell me, how in hell could I go home and enjoy the lush of white sand, crystal blue waters and yummy food in Davao when I would be right here sticking my vein out to the medtech, opening my eyes wide for the optometrist and ophthalmologist, enduring the needlestick pain, and worrying if the results would come out fine?!! tell me!!!!!grhh.

fifth, a good friend of mine whose nickname happens to be ghel (the same as mine except that mine has no "H" and has ikoi at the end of it) has broken up with her boyfriend. Uhm, no. lemme correct that. It's the other way around. Her boyfriend dropped the famous "it's not you, it's me" line 2 nights ago. I feel sorry for her because she's really a jewel and dumping her like that is just so wrong a decision. I so wanted to comfort her but how? When my pitiful self couldn't even straighten up my crooked moving on tactics? It's been like a year since my ex and I broke up but until now, the pain still lingers. hay. She badly needs a shoulder to cry on but I'm afraid it cannot be my shoulder or else she'll end up like me and I don't want that to happen.

sixth, it's already 12:05 and i haven't taken my bath yet and I'm supposed to leave the house at 1:00pm. Good Lord. I'm having a bad feeling that i'll be superwomaning my way to the hospital again. ugh.
bye guys. be back sometime this week.

foolish juan

2009-05-15T20:29:00.000-07:00

Moron 1: Pare, bakit wala kaming pagkain? Ano ba nman yan. Di kayo sumusunod sa usapan. Gutom na kami..(galit at gutom)
Moron 2: Pre, hndi nyo yata naiintindihan. pag300 may ksamang packed lunch. pag 350 wala. (inis at pagod)

I was inside the van with my window half open. Red, black and white banners were hung on the fences screaming the whims of the Filipino people: OUSTER OF PGMA. People wearing white and red shirts scattered themselves in the outskirts of the Congress. Policemen were busy screening every Juan who enters the area, ready to fight back when something untoward occurs. Vehicles without HOR stickers were screened as well. The noise was deafening. There was an atmosphere of fury, hunger and utter selfishness.

The dialogue above was from a scene that I witnessed while we were entering the House of Representatives sometime last year. Even years before I heard that, I already had an idea how our political system works, in its real light that is. But it never occured to me that they could get as careless as that.
It doesn't take a Nobel Prize winner to conclude that we're all victims of deceit in the country that we call ours. These people that we see on television shouting for change, carrying demeaning caricatures of politicians that they want to unseat, crying for passing of bills, angry for low wages, impatient for implementation of cheaper medicines act and showing sympathy for the seemingly underdogs who are under crossfire, are, like many of us, employees. Yes, they are employess except that they are not being paid to submit reports, to inject antibiotics, to answer calls, to take orders, to mix cement and sand, to design buildings nor to teach 4th graders. They receive 300-450 pesos a day to wear graphic shirts with harsh words attacking the president, the vice president, a senator or a solon or to convey support for whistle blowers or heroes they call their own or corrupt officials that undergo investigation. Easy money, huh?!! Disappointing.

When I was still young and ignorant, a teacher in high school told us that these people are heroes because they're willing to stand under the scorching heat of the sun in order for their voices to be heard. Being the naive that I was, I believed what my teacher had said and sympathized for these people, the people who want change.
I wondered how'd they live if all they do is just stand there and shout and throw stones and fight the policemen.They're willing to go home unpaid and bruised just so they could tap the government to listen to what they want. Their love for the country must be really great for them to sacricfice that much. That was then, when the "VOICE OF THE PEOPLE" was till genuine.
But now? To me,these activists, they're heroes no more. Everyone's using everyone. It's simple arithmetic. Big men pay them to shout for his own desires. The paid men in return would rather shout and be foolish than stay hungry. And the others? Well, they just watch and listen.
We're hopeless.

* This does not refer to all the Juans who shout in the streets. I spare those who really want change, not just easy money.

please don't vote these people

2009-05-14T09:52:00.000-07:00

I see election.
I smell election.
I breathe election.

Posters of posers are hung everywhere. They're all showing their chiclet-white teeth in tarpaulins using the spirit of christmas, new year, graduation, holy week, and many other occasions.
TV is colonized by aspiring presidents and senators and Pete knows what other positions are for grabs on May 2010. They're good at it-campaigning. Utilizing the best technologies to reach every Juan. Coming up with acronyms of their names that are evidently pointless. ugh.
Someone thinks he can tricycle his way to presidency. Portraying a god-like persona, he promises the young hopefuls that he could help them become a celebrity and a seaman. Oh, so he could really help everyone reach his dream? My dream is to become the next president, could he help me achieve that? I don't think so.
He keeps on bugging the people to wake the seemingly sleeping government. Stupid. Did he forget that he's part of 'em? What is he there for anyway? To make grand marriage proposals on national and semi international television? He takes advantage of the people's naivete. Rides on the anger of the mass that wants change. Trying to give hope to those who want it. Yeah right, like he's really the one who could solve our national problems when all he does is keep himself visible to the public, spending too much on airtime fees.
He can give me 1 million cash and I won't still vote him. He's just so fake.

Next comes the orange guy-saving OFWs and mudprinting a hand on his orange polo shirt to gain people's trust. They asked these ofws to tell the people that they saved them. Well they better should coz it's their duty to uphold the welfare of the filipino people. It's not like we owe them that coz they're paid millions of pesos to do their work.

We're a year away from voting day but they've already spent huge amounts of money to campaign. Faces of politicians are on every corner. Wherever you look at, you could catch a glimpse of a bruhita and bruhito. We're paying it for them and after election they're gonna collect payments from us again. I pity the people who know nothing about its effects on us. I pity the people who believe that they could save us from utter disgrace. I pity the people who'd cast votes on their favor. I pity them. I pity us. I pity our country.

this is so not me..

2009-05-09T17:56:00.000-07:00

Halfway through the 6th episode of One Tree Hill Season 5, buzz, buzz my phone went..

"Thank you very much gel for being such a good and responsible daughter. Always remember that I and your father will always be here for you and your siblings. We will always love you."

...tears rolled down my cheeks.
I miss my mommah...

so i won't hesitate no more, no more, it cannot wait, I'M BORED...

2009-05-08T23:33:00.000-07:00

What do lunatics do when they're bored?
Generally, they just utilize the overrated finger-fiddling as their minds get busy searching for activities to while their time. It's pointless actually but it's way better than doing nothing at all. Well, they can doze off. But for insomniacs, it's just not so good a choice. They'd just think about the hundred and twenty one reasons why they cannot sleep so they pretty much end up awake still (although they had their eyes closed).

Anyhow, I know one lunatic and she's facing the abovementioned dilemma: BOREDOM.
She totally knew it was coming because of the precedent events the occurred (you know, everyone leaving her and all that comes with it). Too bad, she hadn't have the decency to look for solutions even though she admitted that SHE KNEW IT WAS COMING. As a result, she's goin nuts and these are the random actions that she pulled to make it appear like she's really doing something that's worth her while:

a. turned on the pc, checked her blog and swore on seeing her page exactly in the same state as she left it last night. yeah. nothing new. no new comment. no new words on the cbox. GOOD. PRETTY GOOD. then *sighed*

b. googled her favorite video. the one that she watched and sang along with for over a thousand times already. in case you'd ask, yes, she hasn't bookmarked it yet but she's definitely gonna do it later coz she finally realized that it's inconvenient to google the same pages over and over and over again.

c. she opened her blogger dashboard while her video is playing, clicked "new post" and after seconds of internalization, closed her tab.

d. checked her friendster, added a friend, replied to some messages and closed the tab.

e. went downstairs, opened the fridge and the freezer, got disappointed with what she saw (everything was raw), and went upstairs.

f. went downstairs again after realizing that there might be ready to eat food somewhere else, checked the cracker compartment, grabbed minibuiscuits, munched them up, flushed them with water, wiped the wet sides of her mouth with her forearm and went upstairs again.

g. googled one tree hill season five and watched 4 episodes.

h. checked her facebook and disappointingly found out that there was nothing new there except for the updates of what her friends had been playing during the night.

i. turned on the tv just to see that there's nothing there that she wants to watch.

j. checked her blog again, got surprised that somebody had the hearts to visit and leave footprints, delighted with what appeared on her page, got inspired on faux pope's advice and decided to click "new post". this time she forced herself not to close the tab. she's currently working on "j." part of her entry and finds out that this lunatic happens to be me. Oh. i'm surprised!=)

I'm sorry if this is the only thing that I can come up with today. My mind's not working: its screws are a bit loose, its spare parts are everywhere, the oil had completely dried up, it's a total mess. So forgive me if i wasted your time. I promise to write something better on..uhm... June.hehe.
Godblessyou guys.

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO ALL THE MOTHERS OUT THERE.
FOR THOSE WHO CARED TO READ, PLEASE SEND MY GREETINGS TO ALL YOUR MOMS and PLEASE TELL YOURSELF THAT I LOVE YOU FOR SPENDING SOMETIME HERE.

heffa hapee weekend!!!!!

solitary mode

2009-05-07T05:15:00.000-07:00

Everybody's leaving me behind.
Cheeno left for Oxford last Saturday and won't be back til June.
Tita and Tito went to Davao last Monday.
Keana, Krisha and Loren followed them.
Lola is also leaving tomorrow.

Technically, I'm a dead meat at this very moment.
I'm all alone except for the Ates and Kuyas that take care of the house.
Silence just killed me. ( but somehow spared me the benefit of being able to write a blog)

Tomorrow is Kristel's (a good friend of mine) flight. She's leaving the metro for good.
I'm going to miss our KFC moments.awwww..
On Saturday morning is Norie's, Thessa's and Chin's flight (three good friends of mine). It'd be long before I'll have uber gala again. They'll be back after a week or so but they won't be staying long. After a day or two, they'll also leave the Republic of the Philippines area of responsibility to earn five times the amount of the staff nurse's salary here.

To cut the story short, before the sun rises on Saturday (as if it will coz im pretty sure it won't coz it's typhoon era already), I'm a double-dead meat. Hay. I wish I have the power to dobolize my body so that I can leave my clone at work while I enjoy the stormless beauty of Davao with my family and friends. ugh.

Good thing I have this blog to keep me company.=) and you guyz to keep me crackin..=)

heffa very fantabulous evenin!!!

piptin

2009-05-06T05:29:00.000-07:00

this is from jelai..
thanks gurl for the tag, before this, i was thinking of posting a new ranting but my mind went blank.
now, there's something fresh here.yahoo.
here are the rules:

a.)magsulat ng kung ano - ano sa labinlimang tao
b.)hindi mo dapat sabihin kung sino ang labinlimang tao
c.)kung mayroon magtanong tungkol sa kanila, di mo dapat sasabihin
d.)mag-tag ng labinlimang tao rin na sa palagay mo ay gagawa nito(pero hindi mo i-tag ung taong nasambit mo sa laro)

you 1: u gave me strength when I was weak. u were my words when I couldn't speak. u were my eyes when I couldn't see. u saw the best there was in me. lifted me up when i couldn't reach. u gave me faith cause u believed. I'm everything I am because u love me.

you 2: I hate you for being stupid. You could do better, we both know it. Why did you sell yourself short. YOU FREAKIN DESERVE A LOVING BOYFRIEND!!!!

you 3: Thank you for spending 20 years of your life with me, for having fun moments with me, for driving me to and from places, for singing with me, for cooking delicious foods, for playing with me, and for being there for me no matter what happens. I love you.

you 4: you are my idol. but before that happened, I actually accused God as being unfair. You have an array of amazing talents and I have none. But since you're absofreakinlutely good, I've decided not to make a fuss about it instead. Idolizing you is way better. btw, I'm not accusing God anymore. I already apologized for that=)

you 5: you, who are so good in english. i wish you'd teach me how to come up with a 3-paragraph article without spending 57 hours on the computer. i love the way you speak, the way you organize your thoughts, your spontaneity, your choice of words, your overall english-related skills.

you 6: why do you love annoying me?i want you to know, coz i'm pretty sure that you haven't realized it yet, that you've already gone beyond the bounds. I tried to be cool with it before, but you're not funny anymore. you also have to be sensitive to others.

you 7: you are such a wonderful friend. i never thought we could get along really well with each other. thank you for the favors. thank you for listening to my sentiments. thank you for not going to the pantry ahead of me every lunch time. you're an angel inside and out.

you 8: i'll tell you the same words that i said to number 7 coz you're both doing the same things to me. Nobody's gonna know who's 7 and who's 8 anyway. i love you both.

you 9: I am sorry if haven't been keeping in touch with you lately. I just feel so guilty for everything that happened. I know that you're cool with it coz you pretty much handle everything very well. I'm trying to condition my mind that it's bygone already but nothing happens. I still feel that i owe you a lot and i cannot pretend like nothing happened.

you 10: jerk.

you 11: i look forward to seeing you on the second week of May. your baby is so cute and I'm very glad that you've chosen me to be one of her godmothers. yahooooo.

you 12: I like you for being so strong. You've been through hell a coupla times but you managed to come out just fine. i know you're happy now. i wish you'd continue being one forever. your smile looks really awesome on you. please do me a favor by using that every minute of the day eventhough we hardly see each other. i miss you and your kid.

you 13: i barely know you but really are great in making me laugh..=) thank you for making me forget about my worries.

you 14: YOU ARE SO COOL. you knocked the whiteman out on the second round.lawl.

you 15: (group,hehe) i miss all of you. I wouldn't be the gelikoi that i am now without you guyz. you painted my world with beautiful colors. wish i could see u soon and we'd bring back the good ole times again. take care of your health, I don't want any of you sick when i get there sometime this year.

I cannot tag anyone. lawl. just grabbit if you feel like doing.
yahoo.

i think i know why i'm single

2009-05-04T03:54:00.001-07:00

juan: Ano nga ulit favorite food mo?Nasabi mo na yun sakin eh.
juana: Secret..hehe

juan: Ok. Cge, san mo gustong kumain?
juana: ikaw na bahala, kahit anong food naman ok lng sakin.

sa harap ng counter...
juan: Ako na.
juana: Hindi. easy ka lng. I'll pay for my own. d ako nagpapalibre khit tanong mo pa sa mga friends ko.hehe.kaya wag mo nang ipilit.
juan: Ok cge. ano sayo?
juana: ikaw na muna. sunod nlang ako..
juan: ayaw tlga magpalibre oh.
juana: hehehe.peace.

sa table..
juan: sayo na yung sunny side up ha?
juana: (confused) ?$^$%? ay oo nga pla allergic ka sa poultry. cge lagay mo lng jan (pointing sa hot plate ni juana.)

juan: andami namang grasa nito. pati kanin puro grasa. (ung food sizzling with java rice)
juana: (smile lng ng smile habang ineenjoy ung food khit mgrasa)

juan: (biglang nilagay ung spoon and fork sa plato, magkatabi, prang 4:20 sa relo)
(ung plato may rice pa and ulam)
(nagtanong tungkol sa surgery, kung ano ung role ng nurse dun)
juana: (lumunok tas sumagot) ahm..depende.ung scrub nurse naghahand ng instruments tska ngbibilang ng instruments. minsan ng aassist sa pagretract ng tissues. ung circulating nurse, ngtatake note ng mga nangyayri during the operation. tsaka ngpprovide ng mga kailangan sa operation.
juan: (nagkwento tungkol sa surgery nya na nangyari 2 years ago)
juana: (kain pa rin ng kain habang nakikinig sa kwento sabay tango ng tango)

juan: sarap mo tlga kumain noh?nkita ko sa friendster.
juana: onga eh. tanga ako. mraming nakakalimutan pero pagdating sa food, ay nkuh. never.
ung tipoing after breakfast eh ilang oras lng lumipas, gutom na nman.

juana: (careless, muntik ng mtapon ung gravy sa duty uniform)
juan: inaalagaan tlga ang white noh? kami din kc nkwhite eh. ung mga ksama ko, pnapahid lng nila sa uniform nila ung kamay nila na marumi. (culinary arts, ehem). ung sakin hinuhugasan ko tlga at pinapaair dry pra kung kelngan humarap sa customer pra icheck ung food, eh malinis prin ako. ayoko tlga kasi ng marumi at burara. ung mga babae nga hnhiram ung towel ko, dko pnapahiram at bka mrumihan. personal kc un eh. (towel: part ng uniform nla)
juana: (nagdadasal na sana wala akong kelngan kunin sa bag at bka mkita nya ang mga nagtumbling tumbling kong gamit)

juan: ano masarap na dessert?
juana: ICE CREAM. (walang second thoughts un. answer by instinct.)
juan: ay oo. ice cream nga pla favorite mo. alam ko kasi pano gawin un eh (course: culinary arts). mraming egg yolk and dairy products.
juana: onga. mcholesterol pero i can't live without ice cream.hehe.araw araw dpat may ice cream.
juan: mcholesterol nga.
juana: oo. pero nsanay na kc ako eh. kulang ang araw kung walang fresh milk tska ice cream.

juan: pero nag eexercise ka (nggygym c juan)?
juana: hah?hehe.hndi. tamad ksi ako eh. minsan ng lalakad lakad and nagbibike pero not to lose weight but to enjoy myself. (naubos na ung food at nka4:20 narin ang spoon and fork)
juan: (hndi ko na alam kung ano iniicp nya kc nweweirduhan na cguro xa sken)?$##@%^@?

juan: cge ice cream na lang tayo
juana: nag ice cream nako ng lunch.
juan: cge na.
juana: ok.

sa fic..
juan: ako na (bayad)
juana: hndi (inabot ung pera sa icecream woman ng fic)
juan: ayaw tlga oh.
juana: ate, ung rocky road saken. bat iba ung cone nyo dto? ung fic sa hospital mas malaki?hehe.
icecream woman: (nagexplain2.)
juana: ah ok.smile. (wala nmang narining kc nkafocus sa mga nuts and mallows na nsa rocky road )
juan: yan nlang din saken
juana: thanks po ate.

nung paubos na ang ice cream:
juan: tagal ko ng d nkakain ng ice cream ah. alam ko kc kung pano gngwa eh. daming egg yolks (facial experssion: nandidiri sa cholesterol na nsa egg yolk)
juana: (nag eenjoy sa ice cream. nksmile lang.)
juan: ayaw mo ng cone?
juana: yoko na. wala ng ice cream eh.
juan: ano na ggwin natin?gstpo mo magmovie?
juana: hah?may duty pako bukas. adik ka bah?
juan: eh ano gagawin natin. ano bang nsa taas?
juana: uhm timezone?
juan: d kc ako ngtitimezone eh.mhilig kba dun?
juana: oo.basketball tsaka ung drums.
juan: ahh..hanggang what tim ka ba pwede?
juana: ahm uwi nako any minute. late na kc eh.
juan: ah ok. hatid na kita.
juana: ngek wag na. adik ka tlga. ang layo nung samin. super layo.
juan: kahit sa sakayan lng.
juana: ikaw bahala. pero bka mhassle kapa. ok nako.
juan: hndi, hatid na kita.
juana: mejo mlayo kc ung lalakarin eh dto kna sasakay so babalik kapa.
juan: san bah?
juana: 2 corners away.
juan. khit sa baba nlng
juana: ok cge.

juana: (via sms) nice meeting u.thanks.
juan: (reply) kaw din. ingat.

just got home from that pseudodate that I just had. My batchmates SOOOO wanted me to have a bf of my own coz almost all of them have gotten their better halves. As a result, they paired me up with JUAN(I cannot mention the real name unless I want my head stewed with potatoes and carrots and served on a very expensive chinaware).
and that's what happened.

Now I know why I can't get myself a boyfriend.
Shame on me.

well. I just made a fool out of myself.
lawl.hehe.laugh
laugh.
laugh.

sleep trouble

2009-04-30T19:04:00.000-07:00

I should've written this last night but because I was overwhelmed with disgust over my friend's bulletin, I lost track of what I was supposed to write. So here it goes while it's still fresh.
We have this so-called post conference. For student nurses, it's the time to discuss certain diseases, to present and defend nursing care plans, to share readings, and to answer quizzes. For us trainees, it's a 2-hour gathering of batchmates to discuss good and bad happenings during our duty. It's also our trainer's perfect opportune to check if everyone wore the prescribed uniform: from haircut to gleaming white shoes.
To give way for this meeting, we have to leave our posts (nursing units, medical unit in my case) a bit earlier than the usual. So yesterday, we left at 12noon instead of the usual 3pm so we could eat lunch without getting at the post conference venue late. During our post conference, we disccussed a lot of things that concern professionalism and such. I'm afraid I cannot divulge the cheezy information here coz we all promised to abide by the military rule of confidentiality, that is, "What you see, what you hear, when you leave, leave it here." I don't know where they got that though coz in high school we had it as "what you see, what you hear, leave it here, don't squeal." Different words, same meaning.
Anyhow, yeah. For those who have read my killing the deadline post, you probably have an idea how drowsy I had been yesterday. In the unit, I was battling with my eyelids the whole time. You know those flicks where people(usually security guards) put toothpicks on their eyelids to keep them from falling? I was close to doing that. Too bad, we didn't have toothpicks in the unit.
Don't assume that gulping caffeine hadn't crossed my mind either coz in fact, it did. I drank coffee before I went to the unit but to no effect. I still probably yawned like 20 times in the first 20 minutes. I really wanted to doze off but of course, I cannot sleep while on duty so I made myself busy with stuffs even though we havent got anything to be busy about. Like hello? We only had 4 patients and there were three of us trainees, 1 staff nurse and 1 student nurse. Then halfway through our duty, the fourth patient was discharged. Now, you do the math.
Although that was the case, I still tried my best to keep myself kicking for 5 hours. After all, I could just nap during post conference coz I know we would be having it in a small room and I could just hide behind my tall classmates and steal a 15 minute nap.
unfortunately though, my much anticipated chance to nap was all a dream coz the exchange of thoughts and learnings inside the room was too good to resist. I'd be utterly stupid if I'd prefer sleeping to hearing what my batchmates had been telling. In short, my sleep craving went on until our post con ended.
I wasn't able to go home immediately because I had to wait for ghel and anna. Anna withdrew her allowance through an atm. Then she, ghel, vino and I got on a proj 2-3 jeep. Vino and I got off at EDSA and found Cath there. The three of us waited for a bus that had enough seats to accommodate us. We found one but we didn't have the benefit of sitting next to each other. I was seated next to a gentleman with a benetton bag, Cath was at my back and Vino's was across hers.
Now, you know what happens when all the energy has been drawn out off you and you find yourself sitting comfortably in a cushioned bus seat, right?YES. You sleep and so did I. The next thing I knew, I was already looking at the facade of commonwealth market. DANGGGGGG... I was supposed to get down in Batasan Hills. Stupid me. I looked at my 2 batchmates. Vino was asleep too. And cath looked at me surprised while saying, "Ba't nandito kpa?". Lawl. I just smiled and waited for the bus to reach Litex where I could hop off and have a ride that wouldn't cost me much effort and much money. hayz.

Lesson:

*It's fun to read blogs but make sure that you only do it when everything else important has already been done.
*In a bus ride, make sure that your seatmate knows where you're getting down. In case you fall asleep, she/he can make siko your elbow to wake you up.
*1 cup of coffee is not enough.hehe

we aren't perfect

2009-04-30T02:57:00.000-07:00

Since my tink pasitib blog, I've always tried my best to look at the brighter side of just about every unfortunate event that crosses my way. Even though I feel like yelling at somebody already, I would just take a deep breath instead and think about something that'd make the phenomenon look positive.
However, it appears that thinking positive comes easier as an advice than as an action. When everything seems so wrong already, losing your cool is indeed inevitable.

I couldn't help but write about the downpour of negativities around me right now. I just need to let this out. UGH. Forgive me if it'll worsen your already gloomy day but if it won't, then thanks for sparing a lil of your time to read this..I

All of you probably have friendster accounts so I presume that you know something about bulletin board. Yes, you got that right. It's the place at the lower right corner of your fs home page where people's surveys, feelings and announcements are posted. Anyway, I was clicking and reading my board a while ago. Hence I learned about my review mate's reunion, colleague's new mobile number, bored people's survey answers, and more rantings. Then at some point, I reached one schoolmate's post. She actually posts like 5 times everyday about how she loves her deartoy so much or how's the weather like in Great Britain and many other stuffs that concern her beauty, her boyfriend, her friends, great britain and many other stuffs. But this one post of hers really caught my super critically active eyes. It's not bad to post blogs and bulletins. Not at all. However, when your entry entails degradation of another person's character, I think it's not healthy anymore.

Read this one:
ang gusto ko lng eh malaman mo, na nakupo, sole ng deartoy ko ang face niya. thats all. hehehe tas un pa move on move on ka pa? duh...a nymang asar ka na ng mang asar, di ako matatablan ng sinasabi mo, yun nga lng di rin ako magpapaapak ng mga gaya nyo dai... heheh last na lng.. bye bye bye hirit ka pa, may bwelta pa ako, if hihirit ka pa, pango! hehehe and not SOOOO fiTed set of TEETH =P hhehehehe.. peace yo.. heheh mga tao nga naman oh!.
OMG, cindy butete =) hehehe, forward this to her cnu friends nya jan =) we got a nice set of teeth!

I have no idea who's the gurl she's referring to and how ill mannered that gurl maybe. But I believe, having a grudge on someone isn't reason enough to make a capital mistake of letting the world know about that person's flaws especially the physical aspect of his/her personality. So what if a gurl isn't blessed with pearly white and perfectly aligned teeth? So what if i have 154 pimples on my right cheek? So what if my tito lost 25% of his total hair volume? So what if my friend only stands 4'11"?So what if the saleslady has bulges on her waist? So what if the kid's teeth are silver coated? So what if the tourist guide's right eye is squinting while his left isn't? So what if I have calves as big as narra logs? So what if my ex walks in a funny way? As long as a person has a good heart, these blemishes don't matter anymore. I'd rather have a pimpled face angel as a friend than an angelina jolie looking witch.

I perfectly understand the need to take revenge when other parties do us harm but we should do it in a more grownup manner. Attacking through remorseful mention of physical deformities is already hitting below the belt.
I don't know bout you guys, but for me, it's a school age thing to say things like that. The author of that post fyi is blessed with looks, height and intelligence. I still feel sorry for her though. She just made an absolutely pathetic method of ruining her own image.

So what if you're tall and pretty when only your boyfriend and your bestfriends could stand your super bitchy persona?

killing the deadline

2009-04-29T03:21:00.000-07:00

I have to sleep at 8:00 this evening to be able to reach the 8-hour sleep quota imposed by researchers on human beings. Why do we have to be healthy? We're all gonna die anyway..
wahhhh
I am in big trouble..uhm lemme correct that, seemingly big small trouble. hehe.
Here's my current situation:

Fine: 8:00 is, like, 1.5 hours away.
Not so fine: I have to type the contents of the emergency cart (6 drawers) and submit it tomorrow.
Worse: I haven't started typing yet.
Worst: There are about 300-500 items inside each e-cart and I have to type one for pedia and another one for adult.
Best: The reason why I haven't started yet is that I've been reading BLOGS of the people on my roll. Lawl.

In short and simple language, I'm a dead meat because of blog reading. wahh. I'll probably end up @ 11. hehe.
But I don't care. Reading your blogs is worth the 2 kilograms of eyebags and 1000 tons of laughter and learning. hehe.

Dear Jesus,
Please wake me up @3:45 am tomorrow coz I don't think I'd love receiving a memo this early. I just just submitted my zero-tardiness DTR this afternoon. I have to keep my good image.
Lotsa thanks.
and btw, please bless the people who authored the blogs that I just read.
also, please tell your father that I'd surely appreciate it if I'd be half as good as them in writing. I promise I'd be a good girl.

Always and forever,

Christmas Dessert

never ending number

2009-04-27T02:02:00.000-07:00

(should I write the same title as yours lord?or I'm allowed to make my own?lemme know so i can edit.)

I don't know if should be happy or sad about Lord CM tagging me. Lawl. I'm happy because i was tagged and I'm sad because I was tagged. lawl. Kidding aside, I find it nice that some big guy in the blogosphere has visted my site and eventually tagged me. yeiey. I'm sad because I don't know what to write below. hehehe. But i'll try to fill this up. (with all my might, wish me luck!)

Umpisahan na natin para di na humaba...Kelangan lang daw ilista ang walong bagay base sa mga kategoryang kulay dilaw ang kulay...(according to them)hehe

8 Things i'm looking forward to:
1. saying this "i'm totally over him"
2. probi days. yey.
3. going home to davao this year. (hoping)
4. having a laptop of my own. (i've been looking forward to this since forever, ugh)
5. having a new boyfriend who'll love me truly, madly, deeply.
6. having my sister live with me.
7. christmas. nothing beats christmas fun.
8. my unit assignment.

8 Things i did yesterday:

woke up @ effin 7:30
had breakfast that was only meant to reach the esophagus. (ugh)
attended mass to pray for myself and the people around me.
went to pagsanjan laguna
enjoyed myself with the scenic beauty of the resort
ate a super yummy and uber heavy lunch
slept the whole trip back coz the traffic was extra heavy
texted some friends.

8 Things i wish could do:

LOVE MYSELF MORE
buy a house of my own right now.
treat 5 friends with a 5-day stay in boracay or palawan or singapore.
earn a degree in civil engineering.
delete december 22 2008-june 29, 2008 from my timeline.
adopt my friend's baby and treat her like princess
marry someone who is worth marrying.lawl.
take up masters degree.

8 Shows i watch:

Burn notice
CSI: Miami
Cops
Rachel Ray
May bukas pa.
Game knb (in my patient's room.hehe)
One tree hill (nmiss ko toh ng sobrah)
TV patrol

8 People i tag:

There you go. hehe. I haven't tagged any other blogger except the three of them. They're my friends and I want them to rejoice and to suffer at the same time too, like what happened to me a while ago.hehe. Peace to the three of you and thanks to lordCM.

ays krim holiday

2009-04-25T00:06:00.000-07:00

Last thursday, a colleague and I salivated on the scenic view of our friends licking their deliciously looking icecream on cones at lunchtime. We also wanted to buy that raspberry and rocky road ice cream from FIC but unfortunately, we haven't brought money. So eager to feel the smoothness of those dairy products, we both decided to have an ice cream day on Friday (yesterday).
So yesterday, after we had our lunch, we realized the plan. We watched the ice cream man carefully scooping the ice cream that we wanted with glinting eyes. We can't wait to get hold of the sugar cones. We were so excited that when he handed it to us, it seemed like we went back to school age days again. We savored that creamy flavor of the dessert on our tongues and its cooling effect on our throats. It was heaven!yum yum yum.
Still hungry for more, I texted my 2 friends in college and asked them for a meet up. They're in POEA so I decided to go there after duty. I arrived there just on time. They had just finished everything that they had to accomplish. I told them I wanted to eat ice cream or anything that's cold and creamy and luckily, they wanted it too. So the three of us walked our way to Robinson's Galleria and looked for ice cream parlors. We couldn't decide on where to eat yet so my friend suggested that we eat dinner first then grab some ice cream later. We agreed and dined at KFC-my and their favorite fastfood ever! We talked like 20 years and then left Col. Sander's hub.

While we're probing for the location of our target ice cream parlor - Icebergs, we realized that it'd be better if we'd buy from the supermarket and eat at their foodcourt. That way, it'd be cheaper and we'd have more ice cream to satisfy our cravings. Since nobody disagreed, we went on ice cream hunting.
Like three enthusiastic 8 year old kids, we bought an 800 ml Chocolate truffles ice cream- one of the three Gold Label flavors from Selecta created by chefs whose names I cannot remember.

We situated ourselves on a vacant table and yes, it was icream time again. We got our every taste of happiness straight from the tub. I love every spoon of it-every spoon of creamy milk chocolate and hefty serving of bite size chocolates. It's so yummy. SUPER DUPER YUMMY!!!!! Ecstatically and fantabulously yummy that I wish we were born not to eat rice 3 times a day evryday but ice cream. WAHHHHHHH.. I can't wait for the next ice cream holiday again.

tink pasitib

2009-04-22T03:59:00.001-07:00

“I was riding shotgun with my hair undone on the backseat of his car. He’s got a one-hand hand feel on the steering whee, the other on my heart…(silence)”

Yeah, it’s a line from Taylor Swift’s “Our song” and it woke me up @ 4:00 this morning..

Like any other sleepyhead, I snoozed like 3 times before I actually got off my bed.

First things first, mirror. Tanntannannannn, it’s gigantic eyebags day again! Damn this insomnia! Whoever discovered it deserves a beating. ugh. He should have left it unnoticed, unknown, undiscovered coz the more we know about it, the harder it gets for us insomniacs to doze off.We tend to think about it more often especially during bedtime and I think it only adds insult to injury. (theory XYZ by geli)

Anyhow, I still managed to make an idiotic smile like what Ms. Roni did when a jeepney hit her car sometime in 200idk. Otherwise, I’d have a gloomy day ahead and I don’t think I’d like that. Think positive. Smile. I did. =)

I turned on the faucet. No swooshing sound heard. I got down and informed ate fe and on my wayback, I heard a sound. Yes, water was running (without rubber shoes-poor water). Smile. I did.

After bathing, I looked at my uniform. It’s nicely hung so it’s already pressed. yeiey. But when I got it out from the cabinet, creases were evrywhere. Tip: Hang your ironed uniforms in a place where its alone. Putting it in between other clothes defeats the purpose of ironing. Ugh. I brought it down and ironed it myself and hurrah! Smile. I did.

Dressing up done. It’s already 5 and I have not eaten yet. The dining table was empty. Ate Jane was still asleep. I rummaged through the fridge, found delicious looking lefties and jammed it on the microwave. In 2 minutes time, I had a plate with microwaved rice and pork something something (it has orange sauce. I have no idea how it’s called). After a yummy meal, smile, I did.

5:20 - I drank my day’s dose of milk and went upstairs. I polished my teeth with my so-called toothbrush and green-blue-white-red toothpaste. My hair was till wet and even though I didn’t want to tie it up, I had no choice. I halfheartedly put it in a bun. “You’ll get there late. First entry on your DTR-tardy. So cool.”, said my super nosy mind. Threatened by my super nosy mind’s remarks, I hurried up (right, like 1 minute could really make a difference). I put on the muk-up that our facilitators kept on reitirating, the socks that should be long enough to cover my skin that’d be exposed when I sit down and the shoes that should be dirt-free. I got down, packed my lunch and looked at my watch: oh.it’s still 5:40…. wait…Huwahhhhaattttt?! FIVE FREAKIN FORTY and I was till at the GATE?! - pfffft. Where have all the cabs gone?! ugh.

broom (soft), broom broom (loud), broom broom broom (louder). Thank heavens for this one. I got on the orange tryk and I forced myself to smile. I really did.

I got off, then walked like a mile (?) and rode on a jeepney (it’s not orange, i’ve already had enough orange kaechosan). I sat beside the driver, a good place for mirror addicts. I carefully studied my reflection and guess what?! Sweat deleted the muk-up that took me twenty million minutes to put on. Darn. I wanted to swear. But my seatmate’s reflection was looking at me so i decided not to. Hesistantly, I smiled (and swore silently). I really did.

On my third ride (on a bus), I SMSed claire to ask if she’s in the hospital already. She’s still in mrt and she thought she’d arrive late too. She ended her text with huhu so I replied with “think positive with a two-dotted u at the end”. I smiled to myself. Not because I had to but because the busman gave me a 15php ticket after I told him that I got on the bus at St. Peter and will get off in kamias. (They usually charge me 19-22 php). I had a good one there. and yeah, I did smile.

I jeepneyed my way to my destination, brisk walked the hallway towards the employees' entrance with some batchmates and PUNCHED! YAHOO.. 6:24am!!

Pronto: my batchmates were busy pinning their caps to their nicely bunned hair. I retouched (awwww) to look healthier. I put on my cap even though I don’t know how to coz it’s different from the one I used in college. Ugh again. I had no extra hair pins. Foolish. Stupid. Tanga me. Claire helped me and Chris gave me two pins. yeiey. These two ladies were an awesome lot. I love them. I smiled again.

We were sent to our respective floors with happiness deeply imprinted on our faces. (Probably the effect of greeting everybody a lively “GOOOOOODDD MOOORRRNING”) I couldn’t help but smile. the whole batch was so energetic.

On the floor, the people were great. As in everyone there was uber friendly. They’re very accommodating. It’s so nice to move around with people who don’t have pissing aura. I love it there. The downside though is that: my cap kept on misplacing itself the whole time. I’ve already taped the insides to keept it fixed and I already pinned it to keep it in place but to no avail. It’s so strong that it overpowered the hair pin’s clipping ability. ugh. the cap went here and there. It annoyed me the whole day. ugh. But of course, even though i was totally, frustatingly, disgustingly annoyed, I still smiled.

Now, I’m home, typing another senseless post with a pokery smile on the face (kidding). I’m happy. Yeah, genuinely happy coz after all, I managed to maintain a positive outlook the whole day despite my simple series of unfortunate events. I didn’t let those petty mishaps ruin my day. Most of all, I’m happy because my annoying cap is already in my bag and will be jailed there until 6:15 tomorrow. =)

uhmm..thinking positive really helps.=)

I'm thinking like I'm old

2009-04-19T20:21:00.000-07:00

The first post that i read from netaholic was her amfufu. it's really cute and funny. so i read all other posts of her as well and like others, i enjoyed reading them.
this morning, the first blog that i visited was hers again.
I was happy for certain reasons (yeah, yeah, you got me there)
i was happy because i found my name on her page. geeez. so babaw, i know. but what the heck. when I signed up for a blog, I was only thinking about one thing. To have a safe place where i could put my thoughts on- a place where my friends don't visit (coz i have lotsa secrets and i don't want them to pity me again. i've had enough of those that's-alright-we-understand-you-drama..) . but when people started poppin out on my chatbox , i went like "oh. this is sooo kewl." i never knew that blogging could bring me this wonderful feeling that i have at this very moment-elation.
(fyi, i'm actually smiling while writing this and i hope nobody's spying right now coz they might think i'm mentally challenged or something)
anyhow, i really find this girl (netaholic) smart. i know you can sense it too. she's just 19 and she writes better than me and i'm like what?23?(shame on me,hehe) I really admire her for her writing abilities. the humor, etc. the choice of words, etc. and the cute face, etc. lawl.

@ you, tear_jerker, yes, you..don't look at your back and at your side coz i'm talking to nobody else but you-the author of amfufu and nostalgia (hmmmm, i have a blog with nostalgia in its title too but it's in friendster.so we think the same, huh?!.hehe.yehey.)
anyhow, yeah. read this carefully.
I don't want you to look down on yourself just because you're currently out of school.
Puhleazz, 78% (stat baseless) of the people who are currently studying are jerks. they're just there because they have, you know, money. and how are they doing?uhm. they're so busy trying to be cool and all that. buying all the lastest fashion pieces, owning the uber latest edition of whatchamacallits and then flunking 3/4 of the subjects that they're in.
So technically, you're way better than them.
Keep in mind that not being in school doesn't make you less of a person.
I'm not saying though that you shouldn't finish college.
What I'm saying is that, keep that depression off your system.
I think you're doing just fine.
Don't strain your mind too much with problems that are for grown ups (like them )hehe.
you're still young.
you have to enjoy.
Hone your abilities.
Think of easy ways on how to get back to school. (scholarships, yeah yeah.)
You can also have part time jobs to help you finance side thingies like lip gloss (lol), yellow paper, binder, pens, calculator, photocopies, etc.
Don't worry yet about where you're going coz it'll only consume the time that you're suppose to allot on more important and more productive matters.
I know I am not making sense again.
I know you are intelligent so just try to understand my topsy turvy post.lawl.
owrayt?!
I'm beginning to like this a whole damn lot.
Good day to you Juan and Juana.

KaRiR TaYmLayN

2009-04-18T22:14:00.000-07:00

"Where am I heading?"
If thoughts would get 1 point every single time that they cross my mind, this question would've probably earned a million points by February 2009.
I could perfectly remember how I bathe in desolation a coupla months ago.
In the last quarter of 2008 to be exact, about 2 1/2 years after my graduation day, I became the best definition of M_E_S_S.
In case you don't know, I am a nurse by profession but during those times, I was nothing but a desperate case of a loser.
Like the thousands of nurses across the country, I was jobless. But unlike them, I wasn't a fresh graduate or a fresh board passer. My batchmates were already employed in different hospitals then.They were everywhere. Some were already on the other side of the world earning loads of dollars. And I?Where was I?I was at home collating another batch of documents to be submitted to various health institutions in the Metro.
But the competition was tough, very tough. All the hospitals stopped hiring. No matter how hard I try, it was still useless coz they weren't accepting applications.
I was hopeless.
I had no direction.
Until now, I couldn't describe how I actually felt then.
It seemed like good fate had turned itself away from me.
I looked at myself and I saw not the jolly geli that I have known since 1986.
What I saw was a pale and limp girl, with eyes that depict the worst case of loneliness.
I looked down on myself.
I tried to enjoy myself to avoid schizophrenia but everytime I hit the bed, bad things came to mind again.
I thought that maybe it was God's way of letting me pay for the cruel things that I've done.
I kept on asking God to forgive me. I thought he wasn't listening.
Then Ate Gigi helped us. She made a way for me and Kathy to become volunteers in a hospital in Bulacan. For quite a while, I enjoyed volunteering. It kept my mind away from worries. Atleast that way, a hint of light had already shone. "If i would just persevere and work hard, I may become a regular employee someday and have the hospital experience that i have long wanted.", I thought to myself.
But for proximity and health reasons, my parents asked me to stop. I became desperate again.
I continued applying. Fortunately, I had been given a spot in NKTI's Basic Skills Training. However, my IV license wasn't available yet so they had me transferred to their May schedule from January sched. February came, I was asked to get back home to Davao to accompany my grandfather in the hospital. On my last few days in the hospital, PCMC called and told me that I was for interview. I hurriedly went back to Manila and Good heavens helped me a lot. I passed the HR interview, the Nursing interview (which really made my nose bleed), and the super hard qualifying exam (until now I couldn't imagine how I got through it, it was really hard.1. maybe i didn't pass but they had no choice coz i was the only one who took it. 2.maybe the other applicants backed out the moment they saw the exam that was full of computations and essays and uber hard problems with only hour to answer them.or 3. maybe the other applicants took the exam and we all failed but i was one point higher than them so they had to choose me.)
2 days before my final panel interview, another hospital called and said that I was for training. I asked my Mom, my friends and other people for advice and they told me the same thing. hence,
I didn't go to the interview. I chose the training.
Now, I'm very glad that I made the right choice. I'm really happy with what's going on in my life right now. I've known a lot of new and super cool friends. I learned a lot of new things and I discovered a lot of good things about me. Everything's going well and I'm lovin it.

When we look at it in a negative way, life can be so cruel. But in reality, it doesn't really want us to cower down when it throws us obstacles. These obstacles have purpose and that is to prepare us for better opportunities. We only have to wait. In God's own time, everything's gonna be A-okay!

bakit ka ngbablog?

2009-04-18T06:12:00.000-07:00

honestly?
i really don't know the real reason behind.
in fact, if sir abner (the man behind an_indecent_mind) didn't tag me with his own version of this blog, i wouldn't have thought about the reason/s why i blog.
unlike most people here, i didn't grow up loving the art of writing.
in my elementary and high school days, my most hated activities in school are writing compositions and public speaking.
when my teachers would ask us to write essays, i'd always have a hard time doing it. i couldn't decide on how to best start my work, i didn't know how to elaborate my ideas and i couldn't end it on time. it was my waterloo.
if i remember it right, i only discovered the beauty of writing when i was in college. it was on my 1st year in San Pedro College to be exact.
our english professor once asked us to write a composition about anything that we like to talk about: music, sports, celebrities, food, hobbies, etc.
when she cued us to start, i began writing about my friends. i talked about what we did together, why i enjoyed hanging out with them, who are they and those kinds of topics. i was halfway through my task when i eventually ran out of ideas. I couldn't think of what to add to reach the minimum number of lines. time was ticking. i panicked. i wrote. i erased. i wrote again. i erased again. my paper became half-filled with crossed out sentences and i didn't quite like the look of it so i decided to use another sheet and transfer the first lines that i've written. the moment my pen touched the new yellow-colored paper, i realized that i didn't wanna write about my friends anymore. ideas rushed through my brain and i wrote down a quotation mark. then three dots. then the word "there", and then "goes", and then "Beckham". yes. i actually started my piece with words of a sports commentator. "passed the ball to number 16, number 16 tackled the ball, made a really cool head bat and blah, blah, blah." i had so little time to finish, but i actually managed to reach the required number of lines. i just wrote down everything that came to mind about soccer: how i learned playing it, who my favorite players were, why i love the sport, what are its benefits and its downsides, and many others. i wasn't proud of my work so when it was time for us to submit our works, i got my classmate's paper, put hers in top of mine and submitted both to our prof.
a week after, a friend from high school approached me and asked me if i was the one who wrote about soccer and i answered yes and asked why. she then told me that our english prof read my essay in their class and told them that it was one of the good ones that she has received from her students.
huuuuuwhaat?!!! yeah. i went crazy because for me it was shameful. i made a quick mental review of my grammar, my vocabulaary and organization of thoughts. and then i shrieked. i wanted to disappear. lol.

anyhow, because of that incident, i became interested in writing. i doodled on my notebooks, i bought journals, i wrote on friendster, opened my account here, forgot about my account for a while and came back few days ago.

now, you wanna know why i blog?
i'm looking for the answer too.
a. it's a good way to blurt out innuendos
b. it's a cool tool to brag about something
c. it saves me lotsa ink
d. it helps me release tension
e. it makes me feel good to know that i've actually written one paragraph
f. all of the above.
i'm thinking...

hard headed brat

2009-04-08T18:21:00.000-07:00

i miss this guy a whole damn lot..
ugh!

proverbs in kindergarten language

2009-04-07T20:26:00.000-07:00

i was tidying my bed this morning when i saw this little white book entitled
"The son of a duck is a floater".
It's a compilation of Arab sayings which were translated in English. I've come across this book for like a hundred times already yet I still laugh in my mind whenever I read its title (simply put, i crack almost everyday coz its on our bedside table.) It's just funny in its cute little way. Anyhow, i've searched the web for another version of the title's meaning which also happens to be one of the proverbs and guess what? tandadannnannn..you hit it right (like i know what you're thinking,lol)!!
It's the Arab version of "like father like son". *eyes rolling*
Ok, so, here are some of the pieces from the book which I think are interesting
(not that it matters what i think):
* pardon me for the arab lines, i don't know how to add dashes, apostrophes and many other watchamacallits above and under the characters. lawl.

arab: Man Shabba 'ala shay'in shaba alaihi.
english translation: He who grows with a habit greys with it.
english counterpart: Old habits die hard.

arab: Battikhatayn bi yad wahida ma biyithamlu.
english translation: Two watermeolns cannot be carried in one hand.
english counterpart: Don't attempt the impossible.

arab: Yad wahida la tisaffig
english translation: One hand cannot clap
english counterpart: It takes two to tango

arab: Dhakarna al gut jana yinut
english translation: We mentioned the cat, it came bounding.
english counterpart: Talk of the devil...

arab: Illi ma yiraf is-sagr yishwih.
english translation: He who does not recognize the falcon grills it.
english counterpart: Regrettable deeds are performed through ignorance.

arab: Kalam al layl yamhuhu an-nahar.
english translation: The day obliterates the promises of the night.
english counterpart: Vows made in storms are forgotten in calms.

arab: Silah al mar'a dumu'aha.
english translation: The weapon of a woman is her tears
english counterpart: Trust not a woman when she weeps.

....and many others..
=)

pinoy and swiss blood concoction

2009-04-07T07:18:00.000-07:00

when is a friend a bestfriend?

for some girls: when you can bring her along to shop for the hottest fashion pieces in town just about anytime.

for some guys: when you can play basketball, soccer, or dota with him 23 hours a day.

for dilemmaniacs: when you could count on him after the world has poured all of its troubles on you.

for loners: when he sticks with you even if the whole galaxy has turned its back on you.

for the paranoids: when he can be trusted with the most personal issues that you have.

for boyfriends: when his name sounds good to the ears of their girlfriends if they want to get rid of human tails for a while.

for girlfriends: when she first hears the “yes” story and the “we’re over” story respectively.

for me: when his name is chrigi and his last name happens to be hager.

yes. he’s my bestfriend (well, one of my bestfriends actually coz there are two: this guy and sigrid). he’s the half-swiss egoistic end equally goodlooking striker who first joined our class in 1996. sorry for the word but i’m telling this with all honesty, him joining our fifth grade class woz really bothersome. we had to speak in english just so he could understand. what made it more annoying is that teachers always had to ask him if he got what they said like every other sentence. ugh. you can just imagine how our classes went that year. everyone’s eyes were on him. eventually though, he learned to mingle well with us especially with the boys. with him, they became rowdier. lawl.

then years passed. something dreadful happened. we became the worst of enemies. we so hated each other that you couldn’t find us any closer than 10 feet. but that war didn’t last long. through our reconcilitaion thingy in our junior year, we were able to resolve the conflict. we were both sorry for the mistreatment we gave on each other and from then on, we became really good friends.

if i remember it right, he started all of this. we were both on our way home one night from dspc. he started telling me things about his past: some naughty and some heartwarming. i was really surprised because we never really had a serious conversation since the first day he set foot on our campus. it was the first time that we talked like real friends do. it felt really good that someone as seemingly arrogant and as pogi as him would trust with me stories which i found really personal. it felt weird at the same coz i was used to hearing these kinds of stories from girl friends, not from a guy who had a jockey, a proud and a chic magnet image in our school. nonetheless, i still listened. and after his roll of words, i also told him my share of almost-sob-stories.

the morning after, i received a letter written on a paper which was obviously torn from a soccer paper pad. i really don’t know how it’s called . it’s the one with a representation of a soccer field on it and it has grids. anyways, it’s how our world as best of friends began.

at first, it felt awkward because i cannot expect people not to add color to our bestfriendship (lawl, whattaterm..hehe) since we happen to have a funny past. i woz totally happy about him being my best pal, but i had doubts coz of stupid things. these doubts tagged along me til college. i knew it was so lame of me to have that but what else could i do? for someone who really thought of herself as an unwantable person, having him as a best best bud is like being given 95 ice cream freezers full of ice cream. lawl. he’s also aware of that and that irritated him. hence, if there’s a contest on who has said to me upfront that i’m corny and OA the most number of times, no doubt, he’d win. I’m just thankful that he preferred calling me that to leaving me flat.

anyhow, i think i’ve already lost hold of that fruitcakey idea on our friendship. we’re now getting along really well with each other. you know those repressed feelings they discuss on psychology classes? the ones which may be mentally disastrous if not blurted out? i don’t have them because i have him. i could tell him just about anything under the sun: from worries to worries and to more worries. lawl.

because of proximity reasons though, we hardly hang out. and even if we’re on the same city, we still don’t go out coz we have diffrent squares of interests and circles of friends. but i guess it doesn’t make our relationship less of a relationship (huh?) coz even though we don’t see each other often, we still hold on to the invisible ribbon that stretches from his neck to my hands. lawl. he knows everything about me. my weaknesses, my strengths, etc. he knows when i’m lying (telling lies, not the horizontal meaning), he knows when i’m in love. he knows what i’m really worried about as opposed to what i just told him. he knows when to play it cool with me and when to strike at me. and to top that, he’s the only one on this absofreakinlutely friendly planet who could say these things to me on my cracked face:

“you look like a pig. haven’t you heard the word “diet” before?”

“it’s obvious that you’re hurt. you’re really bad at hiding your feelings.”

“be brutally honest.blah blah blah. be politely rude.” ( when asked about how to deal with someone who annoyed me in the past.

…and many others.

simply said, i’m just so blessed to have him as my best bud.

ps: whoever said that men and women cannot remain friends without underlying motives must be taking hormonal supplements (u know what i mean) during his interview.

i am in love

2009-04-07T03:25:00.000-07:00

if there’s one person today that my heart longs to see, it’s gotta be Del Lazaro. For those who do not know him, well, he’s the guy that i’ve been crushing on for so many days already. I like him not because he’s goodlooking but because he’s got an amazing array of talents. he plays the guitar, harmonica, keyboards and God knows what else his hands could fiddle on. He also sings and beat boxes. grh. he’s just so good at his craft. So good, that i cannot find the right words to describe him. he’s the perfect example of a guy who defies description (term borrowed from sir spanky).

so how did i get to know him? it all began with happylsip. happyslip introduced this guy to my world and i guess i really should thank her an awesome lot for that. the first time i saw him, i knew right away that he was the guy who could top my long running obsession over David Beckham. from that moment on, i’ve been thinking like hell about him everyday and every night of my life. and even if the world would condemn me for being overly crazy over this brownman, i wouldn’t care. I’d still continue lovin this bloke and everythin about him. =)

Hoops Day with TJ Giants

2009-04-07T03:22:00.000-07:00

( Originally posted on March 3, 2009 )

Who would’ve thought that my super duper talent in choosing thrift over convenience would escort me to an off screen view of TJ Giants practice?! yea, yea, yea,,u definitely hurrrdd it right!! Yesterday afternoon, I was supposed to meet nffs @3. I opted to save myself a P20 worth of jeepney and tricycle rides so I went out of the house with kuya roland a bit too early. It was an hour and a half kind of early so I didn’t get down at philcoa. I went instead with kuya to Loren’s school thinking that I could just hop out at edsa on our way back.. Now here’s the good thing. Loren’s school is in front of the place where TJ players practice. Hence, I, Thea Angelie Braga, (with all the luck in the world) ended up watching the Purefoods team turn the court into a playground steaming with handsomeness, ultramasculinity and uhm.. bouncing basketballs!!!! whew that was long..(help me, help me, breathe in, breathe out..hhhoooooo)

Not only that, I enjoyed watching them stretch, run, jump, dribble, dunk and shoot without:

a. security guards harrassing me;

b.screaming fans blocking my hearing and sight;

c.costing me a single centavo; and

d. having to wrestle with crazy people to have a pic taken.

whoah! beat that!!!

Now, a night has passed but I still couldn’t get enough of yesterday’s hotness., of topex, of rich, of james, of paolo, of all o’ them…Oh my!! I think, I’ll be having a weeklong stroll along my purefoods memory lane..yahoooo.

wait, I know this is not “me”. I don’t go crazy over Hoops hotties..but what the h***, I DO NOT CARE AT ALL..as in idunatkeyretowl..

Nweiz, here are some shots but they aren’t of good quality coz it’s not like I brought a really good camera. u know, the real digital thing. lawl. but U cannot blame me coz I didn’t know what I was up to. If i had known that i’d be having lotsa doses of VITAMINS for the eyes, I would’ve brought one good shutter. stupid me.

another nweiz, here they are and yeah, u need not ask me permission to drool over them. I’m giving you ultimate freedom to do so..lol.

weee..blogger with ALvin P. (his scent made my knees weak.)

another hottie beside me..his royal hotness made my hair go crazy!!hehe

the uber pogi Paolo Bugia and his not-so-pogi teammate

the whole Giants team with their coaches and other very important somebodies..hehe

the blurry image of James Yap..It’s actually spinal cord themed.sshhhh.

I’m not sure what the coach told him to do but I’m pretty sure he didn’t ask him to bend that low to pray..

last nweiz, u might ask me whatever happened to the nffs meeting and the planned hopping out at edsa. it didn’t push through. good for me. *wink*.

random reason for gratitude

2009-04-07T03:20:00.000-07:00

(originally posted on November 27, 2008)

“zzzz..zzzz”, sounded my phone, seeming so eager to get my attention. But much to its dismay, its plea was utterly ignored. If only it could hop out of the front pocket of my tangerine scrub, it would’ve gone its way through my ears, pressed the green button on its own and made me answer the call, whoever the caller is. But It couldn’t and I pitied it. The buzzing went on again. I wish I could let it know that I cannot in any possible way answer the call because I’m busy. However, like any other nonliving thing, it went on and on coz they’re never sensitive to oxygen-breathing beings’ whims.

The vibrating effort of that tiny thing kept me distracted, turning it off was the best solution offered then and I found it rather reasonable. While I was pressing the power button with my cute thumb, I found out that it wasn’t actually a call but overwhelming messages from 6 people. If you’re wondrin why in hell those messages came simultaneously, celebrate with me coz I had no idea too. It was either 4 of my friends sent group messages at the same time, telling everyone in their group lists that life is good and it keeps getting better no matter how asskicking the problems may get and 2 of them asking how am I doing; or maybe all of the six messages came from the 4-digit numbers of telcom network giants wishing to allure me with their almost free ringtones, ringback tones or mms of celebrities. That or whatever, I didn’t know coz I decided to keep it dead for some time.

After getting busy with loads of undertakings, I excitedly turned it on. 3 of them were from a friend in Red Cross. All of them funny and good to read after a heavy day’s work. One was from a friend in High School, I could sense the excitement in her text considering that we’ve been out of each other’s reach for quite some time. Another one, a fowarded message that contains absolute intention of praising the GUY above for keeping things in order for us. It was from one of the fairview boys. The last but definitely not the least was from a friend asking me if we could go home together coz we’re gonna be off at the same time although not from the same workplace.

I replied according to the senders’ desires and even afforded to send “hehe” with a two-dotted “u” at the end to the funny ones. Yeah, i replied to all of them even though my replies weren’t warranted.

There’s nothing really awesome about this. It just kept me lighthearted knowing that God will always find a way to keep you lighthearted in between hours of pure stress. In my case, after hours of sheer stress.

God Bless You Friends!

what's in store for me when i reach rc's age?

2009-04-07T03:17:00.000-07:00

(RC,70,MALE)

before i received him from his outgoing nightingale, he was already restless and agitated..

he wouldn’t listen to anybody and he swore like we all hailed from that place called hell and made him suffer..

we couldn’t help but follow orders and by that i meant having to prevent him from doing harm to himself and to others..

i was sorry that my colleague had to do that and i had to help, but it’s for his own welfare and for everybody else who were there too (including his son and two of his daughters)

he was maddened by the fact that his activities had to be given limits..

so til midnight, he kept on shouting, crying and coughing as loud as he could..

he called names of saints and the people from the heavens above, he kept on calling his yaya, his father who was long dead, her mother and anybody else whom he thought would make his suffering vanish..

i tried to talk to him without expecting something positive..

i never thought i could talk him down to silence..

that was too much to ask for..

but for a short time..

he listened..

we talked..

i asked if it’s possible for him to lower down his voice and calm down..

he said sorry and that he understood..

he agreed to stop shouting and he really did..

we talked softly..

but it didn’t last..coz after a great deal of time, he was out of his control again..

i dreaded the thought of the chemicals in his system that were responsible for his sensorium and behavior..

because, if it weren’t for them he wouldn’t be like that..

why do we have to grow old and acquire these watchmacallits?

he started calling names again and wanted to wake up every single soul that was asleep then..

he’d struggle to let go from his MRs and tried to get out from bed..

he kept kicking and struggling..

he couldn’t help but give in to the goings on inside his body..

it was something that he couldn’t control..

we had to refer..

doc ordered chemical restraints and i administered it..

he fell asleep..

the moment he woke up, we’re good ole friends again..

he was already sober..

(originally posted on November 26, 2008)

the unusual state of mind

2009-04-07T03:14:00.000-07:00

(originally posted on November 19, 2008)

when i felt low a few months ago, i prayed for an event that could at least make me forget the pain that i felt inside..God made me watch the Lifehouse concert.. it did take my mind from the misery that i was into. But then after the event, i was back to my sobbing state again..i couldn’t blame Him..i just asked for a temporary relief, right?i didn’t say forever..still, i thanked Him.

when a friend of mine was in serious trouble, the kind of trouble that only then i knew existed, she felt helpless. there was really no way out. because i couldn’t help her any better, i prayed. I asked God to enlighten both of us so we could see even the narrowest path to the best solution. I thought we were hopeless but i kept on including her in my prayers.i waited for so long without knowing that God has already done his wonders. before i realized it, my friend had already seen the light. now, we’re not done with the problem yet but she’s doing well. please help me pray for her.

when somebody made me feel like i was the worst person on earth and i wasn’t worth anything at all, I asked God to give me something that could me make believe that like beggars, the elite, the IT consultants, the salesladies, the bankers, the doctors, the astronauts, the mailmen, the butchers , the ceos of the biggest companies, like any other person in this universe, my worth’s more than what bill gates could make in his entire lifetime. He answered me with a news that did not only make me proud but my family and my friends as well.

i got totally bored and bummed with my life at one point in October.I got so tired of looking for solutions to my problems.I got so tired of waking up each day, thinking about how other people would end up theirs feeling satisfied. I prayed for something that would keep me busy while opportunities weren’t at hand yet, He gave me Doc Gigi..now, I’m enjoying the kind of life in a way that only i understand. It’s stressful but i feel fulfilled knowing that God lead me to it.

one day last week, i went through a situation that made me feel like all the bad luck wishers connived to let me down. you have no idea how i felt so unfortunate then. it was like the heavens closed all its doors on me. every turn i made seemed a wrong turn. every choice i made seemed a wrong choice. and even the things that i couldn’t control joined forces to stomp me down. i had nothing. so i rummaged through my bag and found 2 rosaries, i got one out and prayed the rosary. I told him that if He really meant to give me all those discouragement and tribulations, i would wholeheartedly accept them but i plead for a stronger heart coz mine has already lost all the energy it previously had. with tears continuously wetting my cheeks and my hanky, my fone rang. it was my mother. all the words that i longed to hear started going out of her mouth. God knew how thankful i was for what he did. sending my mom and my entire family has always been his best way to answer me. i then felt stronger although some inhibitions remained. however, t the end of the day, everything went super cool.

that is how great He is.no matter how dark our world may seem, as long as we continue believing in Him, a tiny flicker shall always make its way to give us light. when we feel down, we shouldn’t lose hope coz there will always be something good in store for us. when we feel like we have nothing or we can’t do anything, we should try counting our blessings and then we’ll realize that there’s so much to be thankful for. We’ll see that we may not own Petronas towers, or we may not be wearing Pradas and Dolces, we may not be driving Jaguars but we’re rich with his countless blessings. we’re rich with family’s love, with friends, with yummy donuts, with continuous flow of egloves, with sun’s rays, with the moon’s light, with the rolling back of gas prices, with steady supply of vegetables, with healthy bodies, with friendster, with good employers, with good employees, with good workmates, with crinkles, with water, with coffee, with oxygen, with clothes..THERE”S A LOT to be thankful for. i hope you have started counting your blessings too.

i ain't searchin

2009-04-07T03:12:00.000-07:00

(originally posted on September 28, 2008)

Somebody just told me.

” gel, mustah na?may iba kana?.” (c/o anne)

I just let out a sigh. It’s been so long since we ended our so-called love affair and people have been telling me since that day that I shouldn’t worry coz somebody better’s gonna come along. Then it hit me. Do I really have to search?

Well, I don’t think so. Just like what Sir Dennis said (a good friend of mine from steelasia), I don’t need a man to go on with my life. He’s right and it goes to all the young women out there who haven’t found the right one yet ( esp to yra). I’m just 22, life has more to offer. At this point in time, I still could say that I can live without a guy just like the way a bird lives without a microwave oven. If I’m not meant to have one yet, then be it. We’re not supposed to force it coz if we do, it might turn out disastrous again.I won’t deny that I love the feeling of being in love together with its hurting appendices, and yeah I kinda miss it. But that isn’t reason enough to go on searchin. I want to be the one being sought after and not the one who seeks. It’ll feel really good if I’m doin nothing and all of a sudden, somebody notices me , comes up to me and says “Hey, are you up for some coffee or for a walk home?” that’d be a lot more romantic than chasing for that uber handsome crush of yours and end up being hooked on a date with him just because he hasn’t found the woman of his dreams yet. then worse, you’ll realize after the date that he’s not exactly what you’re looking for because beneath his gorgeous facade lies a totally irresponsible, shabu-sniffing saddist moronico.lawl. Ain’t that great?!

So yea, I’d better wait.

Here goes to Kalbo who asked me what if he (my ex D) finds somebody new way before than I do?You are such a good friend, thanks for askin that. I’ll talk to faye later and ask her to reevaluate your relationship coz she might have missed something significant. lawl. (kiddin)

Anyways, yeah. What if that happens?! Of course I’m not gonna go “yehey, let’s celeberate!” (that’s being utterly stupid) and pretend like I’m not affected or something. Somehow, a part of me will be hurt but It’s not like I can do something about it, you know what I mean. It’s his life man and it’s kinda expected. It’s been so long since we parted so he has the very right to enjoy. Happiness just knocked on his door, what power do I have to prevent him from having that, to get all upset and to go yelling at him just because he got to the pit stop first while I haven’t even left the starting line of the first leg yet. We’re not on a race. I just wish him well. After all, he knows what I want for him. I always tell him that.

forgive me if i mentioned names here..peace!=)

have you heard the song “Obviously” by mcfly?!

it’s similar to my situation before, yeah, in one way or another.

emotionally disturbed

2009-04-07T03:10:00.000-07:00

(ORIGINALLY POSTED ON SEPTEMBER 27, 2008)

did you ever feel so desperate to help but then end up doin nothin heroic just because of limitations that hinder you from doing so?! if not then good for you because i felt that sting of guilt knowing how my friends needed my help but i couldn’t because of certain constraints.

last night, 2 of my closest friends expressed their need for a helping hand and kind of thought that it might be my hand that would do the magic. both of these friends know each other but aren’t as close as i am to each one of them. i wanna start with the younger one coz the other has a bigger problem and a more complicated at that. throughout this text, ill refer to the younger one as “cute” and the older one as “pretty” to hide their identity and to avoid repeating the words “younger” and “older” which is kinda annoying.

“gel, help.” that was cute’s first text message. i wasnt able to reply right away coz lately i got used to leaving my phone on the dresser and only check it everytime i hit the bathroom. so during one of my bathroom trips last night, i got to read her text and felt sorry for the delay. i asked her what’s up and guess what her problem was all about- love life. yeah, for the heck of it, she asked me for an advice that concerns the thing that’s not currently my favorite.lawl. did it ever cross her mind that like her i was a loser too?a worse loser in fact. but no. she thought i could give her the best words of wisdom coz that was my job when were still together. she could just say every awful feeling that she had and i’d be like some superhero who’d flood her troubled mind with pieces of advice. yeah, that was before. when i still knew what i was doing. or i thought i knew what i was doing. but now?at present?this month?lawl.i didn’t even know what to say. i even forgot how to give comfort when in fact i was so good at it before. yea. i so wanted to tell her that she chose the wrong number. coz if there’s someone who really suck in things like that, that’d be me. but did i diss her off?no.and why?because, she’s my friend. i may not be able to solve her problem but at least, she has somebody she could vent her feelings to. so she told me the old-timer-he-left-me drama. i ddnt want the details, for the reason that only i know. she told me she thought he was the one (which is funny if you’ll ask me coz you can never tell that he’s it if he hasn’t brought you to the altar yet. even some of those who had ended up separated.) yeah. hell. i’d like to tell her this “you know what?you met a real jerk and worse, there are thousands of them scattered in the metro. so if you’re not gonna learn and you’re gonna break down because of this one dumbass, you’d better be ready for 999 more breakdowns in the future.” but i ddnt tell her that. lawl. i just let her voice her feelings out coz it’s not like i could bring the guy back to her so they’d be all lovey-dovey again. well, i wish i could but let’s be realistic here. anyways, yeah. i just told her that if she wants to cry then she should do so then tsand up again.

maybe we should accustom ourselves to 3 things:

1. experiencing heart breaks. it’s bound to happen expecially if you’re not taking care of the relationship and/or if your partner has found someone better.

2. accepting that we can’t have everything that we want. coz sometimes, what we want don’t want us back.lawl.yeah, that kind of shit happens almost always.

3. livin a pre-relationship life again which means to wait again and date again and get involved again and ride the roller coaster again and fall again and cry again and wait and so on until you get to the one who really accepts you for who you are and is willing to compromise..but if you don’t wanna end up in different cycles, then just wait and wait and wait. don’t hook yourself up until you feel that everything is really falling into the right place..

and lastly, i told her to pray. God is so good, i know He’s gonna give her someone better. in His time..and she should pray for that ex of hers also and hope that his decision would make him really happy. so while her superman is still out there and has not crossed paths with her yet, she should make the most out of her time enjoying her life and doing things that make her happy..

lawl.

superego: yeah right geli. you couldn’t even handle yours well.haha.

id: hush. that’s what you think!hehe.

poink.

anyways, let’s move on to pretty.

uhm. i don’t know how to say this because her problem is as complicated as this country’s economy. super complicated. i tried my best to help her in ways that i know are right (according to principles which are influenced by my family upbringing, my studies, my genetics, my race, etc).poink.here it goes. my friend has a problem and she wants a solution that is so not in line with my morals and her morals as well. i tried my best to let her know that i will support her all the way for so long as she’s not gonna do the thing that she’s planning to do. I’m very willing to help her get through it in the right way but she doesn’t want to. now i’m torn between obeying what mind and heart say and giving in to my friend’s problematic condition..which is which?! i understand how she feels but i don’t know.i feel so bad everytime i oppose her.grhhh. i have always prayed for her but God hasn’t answered us yet.

you, yes you. please help me pray for pretty.

i really want the best solution for her problem.

please.

thank you.

the one who sliced the fruitcake

2009-04-07T03:07:00.000-07:00

(originally posted on september 22, 2008)

i’m trembling, yes i am..

i’m left with nothing but words in my head..

words that explain how this world can be so cruel..

yes, cruel..

it gives us obstacles that seem so great..

so great that sometimes we doubt if we could overcome..

but then in the end, it really doesn’t matter..

cause the real fact of the matter is, they’re there to make us realize that we’re something..

coz when we hurdle these trials and end them triumphantly, that’s when we realize that we’re not just anybody..

we’re somebody..somebody who’s strong enough to ward off the fears..

somebody who lives life to the fullest no matter how difficult living may seem..

sometimes i wonder if i could get out of this dark problem pit that i’ve fallen into..

i’ve been battling with this for so long already..

i tried to grab and hold real tight to the meager rocks and stones that are embedded on the walls just so i could pull myself up and eventually get out of this hollow place..

i thought i’m halfway there, i thought i already saw the light of hope, but man,was i a fool..

it wasn’t really light that i saw..

i was only dreaming..

and then i lost my grip again and fell..

fell really hard..

my bones shattered again..

i wasn’t like this before..

before, i was so strong..

so strong that when i fall into pits like this, i would not even get to the bottom..

so strong that before i reach the bottom, im already grasping things that could prevent me from falling deeper and help me on my way up..

and before dusk comes, im already out of the pit and continuing my journey again..

this time, everything’s so different..

i don’t even know why i let myself fall into it..

it’s so dark..insects even think twice on thriving there..

never in my life have i encountered places as dark as this..

i never thought a pit like this exists..

but i ain’t losing hope..

coz i know, that if i can’t do the climbing on my own, God’s gonna throw the rope and pull me up..

in time, yeah..in time..

and then it’ll be another time for me to be proud of myself again..

cause once again, i have not given up..

i will get out of this dark whatever..

but i wouldnt think about forgetting this place..

coz, in it i found two friends, the water that quenched my thirst during my struggle and the sturdy rocks that gave comfort to my back..

they helped my make sounds so my prayers could be heard..

when i get out of this damned place, im gonna be leaving them there and i would surely miss them..too bad i can’t bring them along with me..

yes, coz they’re bound to be there..

to be part of the pit..

and so, when im already out of this problem, id make it sure that i’ll be seeing them every once in while..

they may not want to see me back but i want them to know that i’m so thankful coz without them, i wouldn’t have survived..

they may be thinking that they have not done anything for me, but they rally helped me a lot..

they helped me in ways that i can’t explain..

and now, im gonna coninue hoping and striving hard to overcome this hardship..

to the one who sliced the fruitcake: if you’re someone from the future, see me soon..

this morning (posted on 7/7/08)

2009-04-07T03:05:00.000-07:00

this morning, while i was fighting with myself coz my body won’t get up from bed, a luring aroma slowly filled the air. i couldn’t help but be tempted by the smell of fried meat and eggs. it was so good that i had to end up arguing with myself coz my tummy couldn’t wait any longer. it was too good to resist. twas definitely a whole lot better than another 5-minute sleep extension. i hurriedly got down and ate breakfast (take note: that was still 530 in the morning).hehe. when i was done, thoughts of the past started crossing my mind. that moment, i realized that it has been so long since i last manipulated our kitchen back home. i missed making beef and mushroom lasagna, my ordinary sushi and my choco mousse ala pobre.hehe. the latter isn’t really named that way. i don’t know if i remember it right but its real name has the word deluxe on it. forgive me but i cannot fathom calling the dessert with that name coz in our province, one of the couple of ways of using the word deluxe is to refer to non-airconditioned buses. whatever, it’s just not right for a dessert, it just sounds too..uhm..u know..BUSish..hehe..or BACHELORish or LCIish..hehe.lol
poink.
anyway, yea.i miss cooking. but hey, don’t you entertain the notion that im good at it..coz i aint. i just know how. hmmm..but in all fairness, according to my folks and our house help back then and some of my friends who were so fortunate to try my deli, it tasted good nman daw. although the feedbacks weren’t reliable because they had to consider my feelings, i still believed that it tasted good. Don’t argue with me you dim-witted antagonist!hehe.poink. san n nga ako?uhm yeah. it was good according to my oh-so-low standards.hehe. Haha..tama, all were yummy except for the one that i made for New year’s eve about 3-4 years ago.hehe. on the 31st, my family went out to take care of some affairs and left me at home to prepare for our Media Noche. i decided to cook the lasagna last. i was done with the pasta and the white sauce and im halfway through my filling when a friend of mine texted and informed me that he’s on his way to our home..i said ok. we talked and laughed and i forgot that i left my meat sauce simmering until a familiar stench reached ur olfactory receptors,one that said: "hey, stop talking,it’s kitchen emergency" hehe.. so i hurriedly got back to the kitchen and like what i expected, most of the meat has settled at the bottom of the pan, not to mention, BURNT to blackish red.hehe. i still went on with the layering after removing the burnt portions. and the taste?uhm good. except for the fact that when it reaches your mouth, the world starts crumbling.hehe.poink.it’s a good thing though that my moodrah took care of the turkey, otherwise, all that we would be having for media noche then were desserts.hehe..wala lng..=)

letting go

2009-04-07T03:02:00.000-07:00

about a month ago, i lost somebody who’s very close to me-my uncle bebot..it was devastating..i really felt so low coz he was so dear to our family and then he suddenly left us.. we’ve been through hell because of that..but life must go on, they say.. so i started to regain my composure and began living like nothing happened..weeks passed and i lost another man again- him.. i thought i was strong but these experiences have made me realize that i wasn’t, im not and i don’t know if i’ll ever be again.. losing somebody, no matter how sugarcoated the parting words are, is really very painful.. they say it’s part of growing up but when you’re the one enduring the pain, you couldn’t help but believe that it’s never that easy.. with my uncle, there’s nothing i could do but pray for the eternal repose of his soul.. with my ex, it’s a lot harder. i so wanted to keep the relationship but at the same time i rejoiced that it ended.. i love the man but destiny has made it sure that we know and understand that we’re not meant to be together..cliche as it may seem but it’s true, at least in our part..was there a third party? uhm no.well, that’s as far as i know. if there is and im just not aware, well then, let’s leave the matter untouched.. after all, everything happens for a reason and i don’t wanna hold hold grudges coz it’ll only make my shoulders heavier.. he said there’s no third person involved and i want to believe him so if you’re thinking otherwise, just keep your thoughts to yourself and let me believe what i want to believe.. where am i?uhm yea, AMBIVALENCE..it depicts what i truly feel inside at this moment.. im happy and im not.. im happy because at long last, we have gained the courage to leave the relationship that’s not makin us happy anymore.. he has to be happy and i have to be happy too..we’re just unfortunate coz we have to find that happiness in a sad manner, ouside our comfort zones..ironic.yea.. im sad.obviously because i truly loved him.. who in her sane mind would feel euphoric after losing someone that she loves so much?nobody..but like what i have said we have to part ways..we have to continue living without each other..and there’ no turnin back or else we’ll let ourselves wallow i deep pain again..

now, we’re friends and i’m thankful that our goodbyes weren’t bitter.. i wish him bliss and i wish that he’ll finally find the one that he’s looking for..we have to let go, we have to move on, we have to grow..may god bless us both..and yea, you too.hehe